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-   -   New to poly and loosing some old friends (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167)

Rose36 04-19-2009 09:14 PM

New to poly and loosing some old friends
I am wondering if this is normal but it seems that I have to choose between some of my old friends and being poly. I have many old friends over the years and newer, very close friends that I hate to loose but I have already had two that feel that they cannot be my friend if I am poly. I feel that I have keep it a secret of I will loose more friends. Any advice? or Experience with this?

Quath 04-19-2009 10:18 PM

From my personal experience, I find that my true friends stand by me for being myself and not what they want me to be. But for every friend you lose because you are poly, I bet you will gain new friends because you are poly.

Shana 04-20-2009 09:34 PM

I'm sorry to hear that :(

the friends I have chosen to tell are happy for me, and patting me on the back.. because they are real friends an accept me for who I am..even some of my family knows and they're totally okay with it. But there are some I just can't tell..

there are people one of my BFs have told, and they no longer speak to him..and my other BF won't tell anyone because of the fear..

Its hard not to be able to tell the people you care about and love what a wonderful thing this can really be.

I guess in this case you just gotta weigh your options..or approach your friends on the subject before telling them you're poly. thats what I have done.. it eased the blow.

AutumnalTone 04-21-2009 09:59 PM

That's sad.

Every relationship we have, though, may end due to any number of reasons. That some old friends are uncomfortable with the way we've grown is just one among many. It's painful to lose a friend in that fashion.

That they fail to be able to adjust to us growing and that they selfishly insist we not change shows that they're just not good company to keep at this time. Anybody who can't be happy for us in our relationships isn't capable of being a close, supportive friend. If they refuse to remain friends, it's their choice.

And they may be back some day. I've had people I've walked away from in the past pop up a few years later and apologize for their behavior.

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