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QupiDoll 12-03-2009 03:55 AM

Poly-curious
 
Hi All,
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. This is my first post as this is my first day on this or any other poly related site.
Ok first of I am married. My husband and I are 24 and 25 we have been married about 3 years but have been together going on 7 years. We also have 2 beautiful children together.
My husband and I are always open and honest with each other. For a long time we have joked about having someone else come into our relationship but as time goes by we realize that it was less a joke and more true desires coming out. After a lot of talking we have come to the decision that yes we love each other but we feel we have more love to give and feel that maybe another couple would be best for us in the sense that we want more but we still want each other.
Not necessarily for sex but more for companionship or that other level. I don't want to become some "swinger" switching partners for the fun of it, If that makes any sense. Sex is a plus don't get me wrong but its not a necessity.
Our problem is we don't know how to meet like minded couples or how to start this whole process.
Thanks so much for your time and opinions.

*~QupiDoll~*

Erosa 12-03-2009 04:02 AM

Welcome welcome.

I take it you are seeking a female for your relationship? Or did I not read well enough? lol

Anyway, blessings and hope you find what you're looking for.

QupiDoll 12-03-2009 04:30 AM

No we think we would be more interested in another couple sorry if i didn't make that clear. :cool:

QupiDoll 12-03-2009 05:19 AM

Wow that kind of sounded rude of me. I'm sorry if it seemed that way my husband and i think that another couple might be best for us but that we don't fully know. My husband I think would be thrilled if i found a woman and was just happy with that lol but what man wouldn't be happy with two women. But the whole fact remains that I am bi-curious and poly- curious I haven't done either of them, Unless i was intoxicated. I think women a beautiful creatures but i have never acted on anything while i was sober and would love to be comfortable enough with someone to explore that ( I guess you could say fantasy ) with out fear of rejection or humiliation. sorry I'm rambling.
*~QupiDoll~*

Erosa 12-03-2009 05:51 AM

Oh don't worry. I didn't take it as rude. lol

You should certainly be open to the wonderfult things that can happen but at the same time know where your limits are. :)

It's wonderful that you are willing to explore all of this though. :)

DrunkenPorcupine 12-03-2009 06:18 AM

Firstly, welcome to the forum.

Quote:

I'm sorry if it seemed that way my husband and i think that another couple might be best for us but that we don't fully know. My husband I think would be thrilled if i found a woman and was just happy with that lol but what man wouldn't be happy with two women.
This sound like you need to chat more with your husband. I'm a man, and I can think of things I've prefer over two women, especially when love is involved.

Quote:

But the whole fact remains that I am bi-curious and poly- curious I haven't done either of them, Unless i was intoxicated. I think women a beautiful creatures but i have never acted on anything while i was sober and would love to be comfortable enough with someone to explore that ( I guess you could say fantasy ) with out fear of rejection or humiliation
Alcohol (and I'll assume your drug of choice is alcohol...) doesn't make you do things you'd not normally do. It lowers inhibitions and makes you do things you've less likely do.

We're all a little afraid of rejection and discomfort. That said, you're here. You seem to understand what it is that you want, at least to some level. Invite your husband in to share that. If there's a healthy dynamic within your relationship, it will help him understand who you are and what you want better. It's possible it will even make him more comfortable to express his wants with you. You yourself recognize the fear of rejection, and men feel it too. There's something really liberating and empowering about expressing what you want and finding out you're not alone in that.

Best of luck to ya!

LovingRadiance 12-03-2009 10:58 PM

Mostly what you need to do is really discuss what you want in life-then start taking steps to make it possible in your life.
For example, living somewhere that you COULD have more people living.
Socializing in groups that share real life interests with you and meeting people in those groups.
Talking about what you really feel/want in life.

In real life situations the biggest thing I see "holding people back" from their dreams, is their unwillingness to openly and honestly express those dreams to the people around them.

If you keep everything to yourself-then the people around you who MIGHT also be wanting the same things-will never know it...

Does that make sense??

Also-be sure you know the details of what you want. It's a good step to know you are interested in another couple to make a quad. But are you looking to date someone, live with them? Kids (yours, theirs or both)? working or at home for everyone or some and if some who?

I found in the book Opening Up-that the lists she made to consider before taking on new partners or opening up your marriage were invaluable to really getting discussions going between Maca (my husband) and I. There were so many things we never thought of that DID matter to one or the other of us!

QupiDoll 12-05-2009 03:43 AM

The husband of Qupidoll
 
Hello everyone. I figure I would join in on the post and give my opinions so you guys can hear(well read) from my perspective as well.

Qupi and I feel our relationship is strong enough that no matter what we will always love each other. I also know her desires as we are very open. I have witnessed her "drunk" desires. =P.

We have discussed bringing others into our relationship and discussed an open relationship. We both agree that an open relationship is not what would work for us. We believe that for it to work all parties involved would need to be willing and trusting. We feel an open relationship is more allowed cheating. We discussed bringing another male in as I used to be bi but do not feel I am that way anymore. After that discussion we thought about just bringing in a female because Qupi has "tendencies".

Finally after all the discussions. We have decided that bringing another couple would avoid the issue with having someone feel like the 3rd wheel. We also think that it should be more love then lust. Meaning we meet, date, go to movies, and things like that. After getting to know one another then things would just go the way they go....if that makes since.

We have been together 7 years total and I still love her more then ever but we have both had the desire to cheat and were completely honest with the other person and figure that for us bringing another couple would help with the one issue in our relationship, boredom.

I think I will stop rambling there. Thank you for creating a forum for people who feel like I do. I hate the idea of monogamy, at least in my life, and am glad to see I am not the only one.

QupiDoll 12-05-2009 03:53 AM

Thanks so much DP and LR for your advice! LR I will look into getting that book as it sounds valuable to us and what we need to look at! I have looked into trying to find polyamory groups in our area and it has turned up nothing I don't know if i'm going about it wrong or what I did find a "match making" Site for this kind of thing but once again there are only about 100 people in it and none are in our area let alone our state that aren't like 50 yr old men. no offence to 50 yr old men but thats just not what were looking for ya know lol Any who.. Thanks as always for listening. It may take awhile to respond back thanks for your patience : ) Love always, *~QupiDoll~*


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