Cautious toe in the water
I'm brand new here. I'm not new to exploration or an open relationship, but I'm very new to making any declaration that I have this type of marriage.
Raised anabaptist, thus the user name. The board wouldn't let me use the name "preacher's daughter" that felt so much more accurate for me. Basically, I was raised being told I was immoral and inappropriately sexual from the time I was old enough to understand language based upon the fact that at 18 months I found my private parts--natural curioisity for a toddler was apparently NOT the logical explanation. Consequently, I lived with a LOT of shame about myself and anything sexual until I married and deliberately shed that paradigm and the massive serving of guilt that came with it.
I've been married for 14 years now. Seven years ago, I suggested we open the marriage. Honestly, the marriage was going great, but I some concerns that my DH would live with regret considering I was well experienced and he was a virgin. Things went great...so I thought...until I discovered that he didn't trust my yes but was still engaging in behaviors and lying about them. The lies and deciet nearly rocked our marriage and I pulled back from all but monogomy for a LONG period of healing.
Approximately 6 months ago, feeling at a place of trust and healing again, we began cautiously testing openness again.
This time, I just don't want to hide in a closet. Well, I DO, Bible-belt, preacher's kid and all of that. I just don't want to hang out here along. More than that, I don't WANT long-term monogomy and niether does he. Our hearts are with each other, but there's more to life and marriage than just monogomy imo. So...I'm here.
Classic patterns can be hard to break...especially when they surround us everyday. Hope you and your DH find a way to unshackle yourselves from them.
Welcome to the Forum.
It seems strange to welcome you here, since I'm new to all this myself, but welcome, anyway.
I can relate to the background, though I was raised Lutheran in a suburb up north.
Heck, when I was monogamous and moved in with my girlfriend, my mom cried. "Where's the moral young man we raised?"
"Um," I replied, "I'm right here, acting deliberately and taking responsibility for my choices."
Not long after that, my girlfriend and I got married, which kind of spoiled the whole rebel thing. Now, 18 years later, we've chosen to open our marriage.
I can only imagine my parents' reaction!
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