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-   -   he came back :) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1601)

ladyjools 12-01-2009 03:24 AM

he came back :)
 
So i have a mini vent some threads ago about feeling insecure about R going off for the weekend with the other girlfriend who is not technically a girlfriend but is sorta in that role (complicated)

i was feeling insecure, and very aware of my insecurity and i spent the weekend working on that in a positive way rather than letting it rule what i do.

The insecurity led to feelings of jelousy that had i not been thoughtful and self aware enough to stop myself i could easily have put unesesery restrictions on R in regards to this weekend, such as,
you are not allowed to share a room with her
or you are not allowed to touch her
etc...

it would have been easy to slip into that way of thinking, i could even have justified it to myself by saying that i was doing this because the relationship was newer than i was comfortable with, etc but when i really thought about it and got into the real reason i was feeling the need to restrict it came down to one thing,

i was afraid

that he wouldn't come back to me,
it wasn't that i did not want him to have time with her it wasn't that i did not want them to be physical becuase i know that he loves her and she makes him happy. I love him so of course i want him to be happy but what i was afraid of was that he would decide after that he wanted only her and not me,

and then i realised that restricting him would do me no good, because if the worse was going to happen and he was going to leave me he would leave regardless of what restriction i had put on his relationship with her,

and the reason i felt this insecurity was actually nothing at all to do with how our relationship had been going, or how he has treated me because this man treats me like a princess. He is attentive, reasuring and lovley to me always. My insecurity was because of things that have happened long ago in the past and because my self esteem is not as good as it should be,

so i accepted this and i was able to let him go without any restrictions,
i was afraid but that was ok,
part of me was so sure he would not want me when he came back

but he came back and he was still the lovley, attentive loving boyfriend he was when he left,

Nothing physical happened with the other girl, but I am pleased that I was able to work on some of my issues and fears and not have to restrict him in anyway, and i am feeling more comfortable about the next time he spends time with her and hopefully i can support his other relationship without my own insecuritys getting in the way, in whatever shape things take i want to be comfortable,

Just thought id share
Jools

rolypoly 12-01-2009 03:28 AM

Good for you. =)

AutumnalTone 12-01-2009 03:29 AM

:D

greenearthal 12-01-2009 11:38 PM

awesomesauce. Thanks for sharing. (no double meaning intended)


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