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-   -   'nother noob both here and to poly. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15791)

Alexod 10-14-2011 05:26 AM

'nother noob both here and to poly.
Hi All,

I'm Alex, I'm a Brit, but live in CA now.

After being together for 18 years, DW stumbled onto someone new. We've talked things through, and it looks like Poly is the way forward.

About 5 years ago I had met someone who was "right" too, but went the old fashioned way of coming home to DW and forgetting it ever happened. I never even thought to ask, my wife did though.

Now I'm learning about poly and coping, even embracing the idea.

rothko 10-17-2011 08:57 PM

cool, nice to meet you. i'm kind of a n00b too :)

photogirl 10-20-2011 02:16 PM

I'm new as well-kind of the flip side of the coin to Alex~ I brought up the topic with my husband who was more inclined to take the "old Fashioned" route when connecting with someone by just ignoring it and coming home to me and never mentioning it again (until I suggested Poly to him and freaked him out). He is not sure how to process what I am suggesting...
We are very happily married and he doesn't understand why I would allow him to have a relationship with someone else. To me it is not very complicated at all, though.

Alexod 01-19-2012 06:50 AM

Photo Girl

Sorry for the tardy reply. I used to just bury those thoughts too. The few times I felt for someone else I always took a deep breath, and moved on with a few "what if's" rolling through my head.

It was DW who brought things when she finally met a friend who she developed feelings for. Because I'd had feelings before I didn't freak to find she felt that way. I was surprised she felt strongly enough to want to even talk about the situation. Other stuff had been happening in our lives, and on balance I felt I could accept. Long complex story, which I may share some day.

Everything is sorted in theory. Her friendship is currently loving, but despite the pair of them discussing the old fashioned limits of monogamy and seeking some form of polgamy, he is too old fashioned to move forward.

I thought I was the old fashioned one in our group.

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