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-   -   I'm in a poly relationship but it turns out I'm mono. What do I do? Please help! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15733)

melly74 10-13-2011 12:56 AM

I'm in a poly relationship but it turns out I'm mono. What do I do? Please help!
 
quitting this message board

Gargantuan 10-13-2011 02:11 AM

is this for real?

melly74 10-13-2011 02:29 AM

yes it is for real. why?

redpepper 10-13-2011 06:46 AM

She moved in to early...

The new relationship energy (NRE) between you all had not ended and that drunk love feeling over shadowed your basic thought process of whether or not this was a good idea. In my experienced it takes up to a year for NRE to wear off and after that another six months is needed before making plans to move someone in (I speak from my own experience and from listening to others on here for years)... Have a look in the search engine for tags like "moving in" and see if you can't find a few others that did just the same thing with their gf's...

Not only that but the success rate for unicorns is very low under the circumstances you have described. They are usually short term flings that last until the NRE wears off... in your case it seems to of. You could do a tag search for "unicorn" also. What usually happens is that two people love each other more and the other is left out, one person has come to the end of the relationship while the others are still going at it, or the unicorn wants something more... it sounds like you are at least friends, but this can be with triads who are close also.

I would suggest sitting them both down and saying that you request she move out. It sounds like she has a job now and can support herself, so its time. If either of them kick up a fuss then make plans to leave. There is no sense in being miserable. You are not selfish about this. It isn't working for you. That isn't selfish... that is being responsible to yourself. Something a lot of people shove down to make others happy. That ends in resentment, anger and a whole lot of depression I think. Good for you for recognizing that it isn't working and making paths to fix it... if they don't like that then leave.

(do us a favour and put some paragraph breaks in please and thank you:))


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