Polyamory.com Forum

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gypsygirl 10-11-2011 06:50 PM

Hello
 
I never realized there was a forum for poly people, or I would have been here long ago.

I am a bisexual woman, but I find that sex is all I can manage to do with women- I have never felt the urge to have a full relationship with one. At the moment, I am involved with one man, with whom I am in love, and have more casual relationships with several other people, including one married couple. My love has one other love, a very nice lady who is sadly in the midst of an ugly divorce. My only problem at the moment is that she does not seem open to ever communicating directly with me. This would make things easier (imho), because neither she nor I live alone, so all alone time happens at his house- I just think she and I could do some of the scheduling and planning ourselves (or as a group of three), rather than him having to handle all of the communications. He tells me that she has never gotten along well with women, and is afraid that if we get to know each other, I'll start to dislike her.

I've been involved with polyamoury on and off for about 8 years. I got burned in my first poly relationship- he "rescued" a mono young lady he liked (she claimed her parents were abusive, but has been proven a liar since), and moved her into his house, then convinced her to date him. Because she was less than eager to be poly, her presence in the house made our relationship tenuous at best (not to mention the long-distance relationships he was trying to maintain), and eventually he dumped me and was temporarily mono. He has since moved on, and in fact is currently dating my love's love.

I came here looking for advice on opening lines of communication in a non-threatening manner.

BlackUnicorn 10-12-2011 10:28 AM

Hullo and welcome!

Maybe write her a nice letter? People have asked how to open the lines of communication with an OSO before, but I can't for the life of me come up with a specific tag you could search. "Communication", maybe?

47newbie 10-18-2011 03:47 PM

Black Unicorns idea is a good one. As opening the communication is the only means to sustain the relationship in the long term...........However, I'm also sensing something else in your words which has me curious.

You said that you were burned in your previous poly relationship. If I understood correctly you became "odd person out."

Could some of your concerns regarding control of communication be the result of not wanting to repeat history from the last relationship?

My only advice to you on that front is to be comfortable with you and accept that to a certain extent the universe will unfold as it should. Yes the communication needs to be multi-directional, but please by accepting of the fact that sometimes the ideal bonding in communications won't take root regardless of how much of an effort is extended.


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