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-   -   Wife and her man (almost) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15334)

bassman 10-03-2011 01:07 PM

Wife and her man (almost)
Have had, maybe what you would call, the “normal” monogamous married sex life. Wife , M, was practically a virgin before we married, with maybe 20/30 sex experiences, with only 2 partners.

I find her very sexy, I like all sorts of course, but shes a bit big boned, with nice shapely meat to go with her big frame - yummy!

Anyway, our sex life was regular, but boring. We had a time, a few months ago, where I began to do some phone flirting with her. This lead to a lot more sex suddenly ! We were both turned on, and of course, when theres sex, we tend to talk to each other more. The honesty goes deeper, I take risks, and I feel a bit more comfortable to share myself. She had a self image which didnt help in the bedroom - because she carried a little weight. But shes been running and dieting. She joined the running club at work. Her friend, T, is tall and very slim, and they would do their lunchtime run together. Her friend left to find work elsewhere. So, one day M sends me a txt (an SMS ), saying “I’ll probably get those comments while running”, and I said - “what comments?” and she says drivers or walkers, or passers by will often comment, for example “hey sexy”. I said thats wonderful, you deserve that praise, especially as a reward to yourself for dieting, running, etc, etc. She said “I used to think all the compliments were for T, but they still come even though I run alone now!”. I said “yum - they liked you too, all along”.
At the same time, I did something Ive never done, I shared my fantasies with M about all the beautiful women around. We began to discuss who I liked, what features were nice on girls, etc. Our sex was on a high, 3 times a day! I began to share more and more, but I had a huge lump in my throat - “ How far can I go with sharing my thoughts?” I kept wondering.

So she said “I dont always like those comments when I’m running”, and when I asked why not - “I feel a bit scared sometimes, like if I respond, they might think of raping me, abducting me, or something!” so I replied “thats not likely, but I guess if its people you dont know, it could be a scary scenario”. I pressed on with “Is it nice to get compliments from people you like and know?” and of course she said yes, and I asked her if theres people in the office that compliment her. There were, of course, a few men, and some of the men in the work running club give her compliments. I kept on encouraging that. It hasnt helped us that her father, when she was younger, was very critical of her body. So she’s got a complex about a few of her bits. So I am encouraging these compliments from other men. Its helping us erode some of the negative self-image, see?

So, I was working from home one day, while she was in the office, and we’re messaging each other again. Shes lists some of the people who give her compliments (some are women, but they’re straight, I’m assuming), and I’m encouraging encouraging all the time. Then, sort of out of the blue, she says “theres not many people who could take my affection away from you, but there is a guy at work, M. If you were dead, I’d jump his bones”. Well I think I …”er shot my load” there and then! I said “you might think I’m hurt or jealous, but I’m actually not - I’m turned on!”

bassman 10-03-2011 01:12 PM

He travels down to her office occasionally, he lives and works about 100 miles away. She starts telling me how he is the one who said to her “if you dont like yourself, you are the only one who can change that”, about 6 months ago, and this lead to the running, etc. Then she says “hes actually in the office today!”, and I said “he has helped you so much, please go over and give him a huge kiss from me !, and can you have coffee, lunch, meet him after work?”
She was a bit taken aback, but she did meet him for a coffee, and she said she made sure show her cleavage when she bent down to put her bag down, and he had a good look!

In bed, at home, she told me all about this man, and why he “ticked all her boxes”. He’s married, and he and my wife are both attracted to each other, but didnt pursue anything because of me, and of course, his wife. Though, from what she told me, he and his wife may have an “open” type of arrangement. I said to her, if his wife is ok with it, you have my full permission to “jump his bones - Why wait till I die !!???”. I tried to get from her, a fantasy or 2 about her and this man, but she only said “I can do fantasies, but not with names of people attached”, so I let her share her anonymous fantasies. We were hot for each other!! We did it all over the house, even in my log cabin outside, and we were on a roll.

We went out for coffee at the mall, and I was perving over the women, and having such fun telling my wife what I’d like to do with the beautiful ladies!! She was enjoying wearing thongs, low cut blouses, and getting the attention from the men!! She even squatted down in the supermarket in such a way that the young guys packing the shelves, could see her panties, legs and everything! She loved it, I loved it, - at home we were rattling each other silly in bed! Like I say, 3 or 4 times a day!!!
Around this time she told me “I love sex so much, I wish I’d had more experience before getting married!” , and I said “have fun now, dont let me stop you!”

Then it sort of came to a halt. A few things happened at the same time.
1) Out of the blue she said to me “I signed up for marriage, and I could never sleep with another person, I would be committing infidelity”.
2) We were discussing another topic and she blurted out “anyone having sex before marriage is immoral”
3) when I said, “but if consenting adults agree to have fun in the bedroom, then whats wrong with that?” - she said “they’re damaging themselves”
4) I ventured “and if a couple decide to let a 3rd person in, and everyone knows whats going on, wheres the harm?” - and she replied “those people are selfish!” - I didnt have the presence of mind to say “I think theyre GENEROUS, by loving more than one”, but I did say “maybe selfish is trying to make a person love only one other person”.

It didnt go down well.

bassman 10-03-2011 01:17 PM

I also said “every time I think our sex life just gets going, you come out with these attitudes, which I *think* are coming from the church - they tried to ruin our finances (thats another long story!), and now they’re ruining our sex life - who are they to prescribe what we should be doing in bed anyway?”

....at which point, I thought a counsellor could help us with the sex and the church.

5) Another thing happened, too. Her boss had just been to a hearing, where every one of his txt messages were read out ! And my wife has been using her work phone for our flirting. So I had to cool it a bit on my messages - I tried sending some to her private phone, she never replied. I suggested we use an IM, like google talk, and she procrastinated for weeks to set that up.

Anyway, the sex cooled off a bit, but it was still regular, and I started sending her some pictures of nice guys, and trying to find out what she liked/didnt like in guys. I was a bit bold, and I sent her some girls in MFM threesomes and she responded “those dont turn me on” :(:(:(:(

One good thing, though, is she at least looked at the book I bought for her “sex for one”, on female masturbation. I wouldnt say she read the whole thing, but she looked at it occasionally. :)

So we went for therapy, and the livley sex continued, but the phone messages sort of came to a halt :(:(

Meantime, I discovered that there was such a thing as poly, and I bought “ethical slut”, and I began reading.

Then, off we go on holiday, a 250 mile drive. We were driving and we were still sharing quite a bit, and she lists some other men she met earlier in her life who “tick her boxes”. And we get to No 3 on the list, the same man, M from her office. She casually mentions “we’re almost going past his house” !! ( I thought he lived in Edinburgh, like 300 miles away from London, but I had it wrong, he lives much closer). So I say “can we drop in?” , and so she tries to rouse him on the phone. No answer from his phone for the moment . Geez, but I was turned ON !!

Then she says “shit!” -
I say “what?”
- she says “I didnt straighten my hair this morning!” -
I say “did you bring the straighteners?”
She says “yes, but theyre at the bottom of my bag, in the bottom of the boot (trunk).
I said “dont worry about that, we’ll stop for fuel, and I’ll get them out, I’ll repack everything !”
She laughed!
I said “oh, so you still want to look good for him, then?”,
and she said “oh, yes”, and then after a pause she said “you dont mind??” -
I said “mind? - feel this ! ” at which point I put her hand on my crotch to feel the rock solid effect the conversation had had on me!”
We didnt know yet if he, M, was available, but we stopped for fuel anyway, didnt bother unpack everything, but she went to the bathroom, and when she came back she said “oh my god, Ive been gushing !“ - so she was turned on, too then !!

bassman 10-03-2011 01:28 PM

It turned out the he, M, was away for that weekend, so we missed a good opportunity - I was gutted ! I kicked myself for not finding out where he lived, and arranging things better.

So we were away on holiday, and I was excited - we’d bought some new toys, books, and I even bought a saucy DVD (made for women, by women), even though I wondered if she might be looking for wedding rings on the perfomers (sic). I was now reading ethical slut, and didnt know how she would take it - she seemed non-plussed by it, and even asked a few questions. She was chatted up by a guy who ran on the seaside with her, and we also met a very nice guy in the holiday camp who she said “ooh, he ticked a lot of boxes for me!”, but our holiday only overlapped by 2 days with his, so not too much time to get to know him.

Now I am not sure exactly what happened with her, but all this fun suddenly stopped - she never mentioned the toys, DVD, and she hardly read the books, while I ploughed through them all. And the sex came to a stop, too.

It didnt help that her parents were coming to stay immediately on our return, and that is very stressful for her. I was hoping the counselling would reveal all, but when we went for a joint session with the counsellor, the stupid cow (the counsellor that is), didnt even bother to turn up !!! How interested was SHE in our lives?....... NOT

bassman 10-03-2011 01:30 PM

So, now, here we are, about 2 months later, and still no bedroom action, but I feel its slowly getting close to something happening again. And its encouraging she enjoyed the flirting in the fish shop (in another thread). :D :D :D

Just want to point out, right in the beginning of this, wife and I agreed that, if it ever happened, we'd prefer it to be someone we know and trust, and more specifically, someone SHE could trust to stop anytime she said No to something. I can envision a situation where she has someone who cares for her, visits occasionally, flirts terribly with, and has bedroom fun with, if she chooses.

Ive joked with a few of her less judgemental friends - "oh she's gone away with the boyfriend!", and they didnt seem bothered - one of them even said "ooooh, shes lucky to have a boyfriend!" - I just shrugged and said , "sure, - why not!"

Magdlyn 10-05-2011 04:55 PM

Interesting story! I keep thinking of the movie Dangerous Liaisons, and the book Sex at Dawn.

The movie involved a sadistic older man who, on a bet, seduces a proper Christian lady against her will. Just breaks her down. (Not saying you're sadistic, but you might like it anyway.)

The book is non fiction, newish this year, and talks about how pre agricultural people shared everything, food, housing, childcare and bodies. The men get turned on seeing the women having sex with multiple males at once, or in succession...

bassman 10-05-2011 06:38 PM

Thanks Magdlyn
I am going to order the book now!

and then start looking for the movie (and I am not sadistic!) :D

bassman 10-06-2011 07:53 AM

Found the book and the movie ;);)

Magdlyn 10-08-2011 10:43 AM

I hope you enjoy them! :)

bassman 10-10-2011 11:35 AM

Ordered them both now, hooray !

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