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-   -   Eyebrows first into the void... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=153)

yoxi 04-11-2009 11:27 AM

Eyebrows first into the void...
 
Well then: I don't know how many Brits frequent this place, but here I am, somewhere under Bristol by a lake, got dumped a few months ago and am slowly allowing the realisation to bob up to the surface that what I've always wanted was to be part of something like this (you'll have to imagine it slowly spinning so no-one's actually 'at the top'):
...M
./....\
F.––.M
oh, and all the dotted lines are to make this not look wrong (stupid BBS too smart for its own good) and and... but you get the picture. Always thought I was nuts (or some more psychobabblical psychobiblical term meaning 'you're just kidding yourself/evil/thing') but it's becoming apparent that there's lots of other folk out there who feel 'the same' as I do, and that actually it's completely up to me whether I go for what I really want.

So here I am, glad to have found this forum after getting sidetracked by stupid dating sites 'free! - oh, no, actually not free!' etc.) Once I get back from my pre-Easter shopping, I'll be avidly reading you lot for the rest of the weekend, I expect :)

Love, yoxi x

AutumnalTone 04-11-2009 01:22 PM

Welcome to the boards.

The way that sort of setup is described would be "a MMF triad." The "triad" indicates that each is romantically involved with both of the others. A "MMF Vee," in contrast, denotes that the first M and the F are each tied to the central M and not each other.

So you're wanting a triad. Have anybody in mind for the other two thirds?

yoxi 04-11-2009 03:35 PM

It'a all a bit too soon to answer that :). I've been chatting with someone on a dating forum who's in a polyamorous relationship already, and this was what made me realise that was what I wanted to be part of. I don't know whether this someone and her polyfella are interested in me, I'm somewhat older than they are (though she said that wasn't an issue). We'll see.

I just know that a vee wouldn't do it for me, it'd have to be a triad. I've literally been dreaming about it ever since I was around 11. I thought it was just me either being bi, or throwing some kind of safety net because I 'didn't want to admit I was gay', or some such 70's bollocks. But I've several times fallen in love with both halves of a couple, and never told them (and hardly even told myself). New horizons, new opportunities to feel vulnerable and 15 again, dammit!

Funk2Lopez 04-11-2009 07:28 PM

Welcome to the board and I do hope you find the triad of your dreams. I'm in a FMF triad and it's mostly great with all the ups and downs that come with any relationship.

yoxi 04-11-2009 09:23 PM

Aye - I have a mixture of impatience and caution battling it out, and so I'm not in a hurry and I am too :). It'll happen or it won't - at least I now know that I want it to.

River 04-11-2009 10:36 PM

yoxi,

somewhere, somehow, earlier, I was able to look at your photo, with its wild eyebrows, enlarged. in that enlarged version i was able to see the books on the shelves behind your eyebrows. these are the sort of books i used to spend a lot of time reading. i still keep them on my shelves behind my more frequently trimmed eybrows. odds are, one day i'll get the urge to read them again. these days, i'm more interested in, say, when i find myself in a cafe or restaraunt, listening to the sounds of footsteps and human voices and rattling dishes, pots, pans, as composer, John Cage instructed--hinted, really--me to do some back-when. the idea being to listen to the sounds as one would listen to music, without interpreting the sounds or thinking about them as, say, language and pots and pans and footsteps.

also fun is writing paragraphs without knowing when or where to discover a paragraph break, or using no capital letters sometimes you can play at doing away with punctuation

lately i've been thinking about maybe assembling a book of "exercises" only they wouldn't be leading anywhere or getting anything done

or providing oneself with an agenda based on the silly notion that i'm not
or you are not good enough just as we are

there's nothing wrong with say sitting still on the floor or
getting up suddenly and going for a run or
a walk
or dancing
or making love
or with
not doing any of these things !

freedom is hard to bear
but
i'm willing
to give 'er a try

River 04-11-2009 10:47 PM

Yoxi,

That last post of mine was stand alone. I didn't want to bother it with words about, say, how you are a self-described bi buddhist polyamorist and I am bi and used to think i was as buddhist as one could get without actually being buddhist -- and would even say "I'm buddhist" sometimes, just to see how it felt rolling off my tongue.

Anyway, we appear to have enough in common that talking could be interesting!

But the "problem" for which buddhism seemed or seems to be the medicine...? I dunno. It seems so big when you sit there and stare it in the face, and so *real*. So I don't stare it in the face any longer. As I refuse to stare it down it has gotten to be increasingly less a problem--wherein lies my no-method method. The gateless gate swings in the wind that arises together with all things. I loosten my knots now by letting go of them as best I can each breath.

yoxi 04-11-2009 11:39 PM

Ah, random isn't as random doesn't - picture a house full of manhattanesque piles, where the first boxes to get unpacked were the books (to make enough floorspace to see inside the rest). Now picture me standing - no, leaning against the chest of drawers in the only floorspot available to take my photo (in a dressing gown? Why?). Now picture someone looking at my picture and picturing me choosing what books I wanted showing behind me... :)

I'll say "I'm a Buddhist" because my name's Padmavyuha and it confuses people otherwise - but it's something I do (or don't), not am (or aren't). It's my answer to my friend dying in a fire at 17 - what do you do in the face of this? You live well. Many ways to do that, apparently - I chose mine, it keeps mutating/evolving/revolving/dissolving/resolving. I like that this is my name, because I get into meaningful conversations with strangers over it. Every time I hide behind it, it falls over on top of me and bruises my ankles quite badly, so that's a nice self-limiting factor.

I'm happy to talk, as long as it's not going to turn into a food fight (you know - my non-attachment to non-attachment is non-bigger than yours blah blah) - quite enough of that after 18 years, quite enough of that after 2 months of facebook even (bloody zens are the worst for that ;))

We could also have a conversation where I say out loud What's the big deal with the jonas brothers? I think they're pretty cute, and their music is pretty damn okay if you compare it to the robot girlie stuff filling most of the airwaves, and I don't give a toss what their sexual orientations are. See? I have my finger on the american pulse, I know this makes me even more unacceptible than being a bisexual polyamorist buddhist.

River 04-11-2009 11:59 PM

Padmavyuha,

Why must you live so far away?!

I also died in a fire at 17; yet here I am -- proof on non-god's existence! Maybe even still I am dying in a fire at 17.

Were you here and not so far away we'd be drinking wine past midnight and making ridiculous games with words. It would be fun.

yoxi 04-12-2009 12:27 AM

You be careful what you write - I've been known to jump on a plane and learn spanish for less... but at the least, you've made me look up Santa Fe, more logs on the fire of my geographical education. Nice piece of national forest there - what kind of trees in it (not for my fire)? This is the one thing I really lack living in the UK, a decent-sized deciduous forest (beech trees for preference, but I'll take anything).

Oh, and it's 1.30 a.m. here, so I'll go get some wine (behold how the mightie buddhist hath fallen)


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