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-   -   Am I Just Crazy??? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15269)

Rainla 10-01-2011 03:54 AM

Am I Just Crazy???
For as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to both men and women, on the occasion it's even been an attraction to those in between. I'm a very open to all shapes and sizes in general, though I have some specific attractions of course. Well, ever since I was young, I've never seen myself growing up with what people would call the typical, 'happy, perfect family'.
You see, I'm very interested in cultures, languages, travel of the world. I am actually going to school to become a foreign language teacher. I am hoping that those pursuits are successful, and I am pretty sure I have all the capabilities to achieve my goals.

I am still young, yes, at 20 and have already set out my goals, and how I would like my life to be in the future. I want to have a family, a big, huge happy family. I could see some people disagreeing with my wants, and even frowning upon them. You see, I have a desire, for a poly-amorous family.

I've always thought, what a beautiful thing would it be, for me to have a family of two husbands, and two or three wives. We could all go to some exotic country, have a big, huge, beautiful home. We would have to feel attraction, and love for each all. I'd thought of specific races, though that isn't important, but I just thought to be a huge multi-cultural home. :) I know, it sounds a bit out there, but it's a dream of mine. Two daddies, three mommies, children that couldn't be more loved. We'd travel the world together, and there would be no pain or distance between us. We would never feel the common relationship issues, lonely or hurt.

If one of us ended up not able to have children physically, then we could still be able to experience parenthood. Or if one of us is going through trouble with school, we would all be there for support.

Of course the sexual aspects are there as well, :) we'd have amazing fun there as well, and that is just a small fragment.

So....I guess the point of this post is that I am just wondering if I am a bit insane for this sort of dream? I don't dream of just the sexual aspects, it's the emotional parts that attract me. To have so much love, so much connection, and to feel that we are all equal in a relationship.

I am a college student myself, and though people say usually, that my dreams will eventually change, but the truth is, all of my goals did change, except for this. I really wouldn't know how to go about this, to make it become a reality, but it just seems so beautiful to see in my mind. We would never be alone, should we have husbands that travel a lot, we would never be without friends in our journeys. Growing old together.


I feel a bit crazy...but I can't help but want this so deeply inside. How could it even happen though? I know the legal parts, that polygamy isn't really practiced much in the world anymore, so I couldn't have a legal wedding with our family, but :) we could still do a ceremony in a way. On some beach, together, or just see that it doesn't really matter who's on the marriage certificate. Okay, okay I'm going on and on. My point is coming across just fine.

So, do you think this is crazy??


BlackUnicorn 10-01-2011 01:36 PM


As to having dreams - no, it's not crazy. Something being highly unlikely doesn't equal it being crazy. I used to dream about becoming an astronaut, and fantasize about how COOL space-flight would be, but never took any action beyond day-dreaming to further my career plans.

A goal is different from a dream in that you actually set specific times in the future you will measure against your progress, as in "In three more years, I will graduate" or "After I land a steady job, I will buy a house". You take active steps to work towards your goal.

It is perfectly okay to have as your goal the dream to live in a polyamorous household. It's hard to achieve, but so are most things worth achieving. The best preparation I can think of is to read those people's experiences who actually live with multiple partners ("Multi-partner cohabitation" thread is a good place to start, as are member blogs), and learn from them what to expect, what has worked for them and what hasn't and why.

Other than that, when going out on to the dating field, it's good to be upfront with prospective partners and tell them as soon as possible that you don't want exclusivity. It's not necessary to spill your whole life's dream onto them on a first date, just make clear you are not looking for traditional monogamous relationships.

As to having thought down specific numbers, genders, children, races and places to live, well, that is not something you can control. Many people struggle with finding just one partner who is okay with poly, much less a second one. Finding four to five other people who are all interested in co-habiting abroad and having children as a group, with everyone equally interested in one another, is beyond unlikely. It's good dream material but not the stuff of real life.

MichelleZed 10-01-2011 11:59 PM

It's a lovely dream, and I encourage you to work towards it.

I just want to make sure you've gotten a reality check, though. Most people's dreams include finding one person and settling down with them and having a happy life together. I still, however, have friends who are single and who haven't found that one person yet. Out of those that do find someone and settle down, their chances are about 50/50 that it'll go awry and the relationship will collapse.

Your fantasy includes finding four compatible people to "marry", all with the same wants, all at the same life stage.

Good luck.

Juggling those kind of numbers, it is much more likely that you might instead have people drifting in and out of your life, contributing to it, enriching it, then moving on.

Also, there is one "crazy" part of your dream:


We would never feel the common relationship issues, lonely or hurt.
Everyone feels those.

NeonKaos 10-02-2011 05:34 AM

I love it when 20 year olds say things like "all my life" and " when i was young".

MichelleZed 10-02-2011 05:35 AM

Hey, those are legit things for a 20-year-old to say. We can only be the age we are.

NeonKaos 10-02-2011 05:39 AM

Please repeat back to me what i just said.

Never mind. Allow me.

I said "i love it when..."

So dont get unnecessarily defensive, ms.zed.

MichelleZed 10-02-2011 05:40 AM

I wasn't defensive, I swear.

Rainla 10-02-2011 06:24 AM


Originally Posted by NeonKaos (Post 104671)
I love it when 20 year olds say things like "all my life" and " when i was young".

Umm excuse me? Did you have anything useful to input to my post? Or were you just trying to express how you feel that you, with your valuable age experience, feel that you just had to say you love when 20 year olds say blah blah blah?

Yeah, I didn't think so. As for the fact that I said all my life? Indeed, that's all of my life? I am no older than 20 sooo, I can't see how that even needs a laugh? It is actually all of MY life.

And, when I was young, as in a child, I am now an adult, legally. I am not old, by any means, which I never stated, only that when I was young. You seem to have missed something here, which I will give you some benefit of the doubt and not call you some old school, 'I know everything because I have gone through some plus years', rude, unintelligent adult, BUT I'll only give you that doubt, since I don't personally know you.

Don't get all offended, but if you've actually looked into studies, the newer generations have actually been found to test with much higher intelligence, so I can say that I have, SINCE I WAS YOUNGER, been interested in the idea of a polyamorouos family. It doesn't matter that you think it's funny, because you had NOTHING to add to my post, only to laugh, or in other words to degrade, which I find it funny when older adults say crap like that.


Rainla 10-02-2011 06:29 AM

To Michelle, thank you for the little reality check about the whole relationships not being so easy that it wouldn't be without hurt and pain, that part might have been ^^ a little bit over ambitious. I completely understand that is part of the dream, and that in reality there may be slight variations of the whole relationship.

I am planning to meet other poly couples, and have in fact been talking to a few. I really am not interested in joining into any of theirs, as I have specific attractions, and not that I am not willing to be open to change, there are just some thing I wont compromise of myself. I have, in fact, thought about the whole size of the relationship, and I don't say that this is a guideline, I just think it would be such a sweet dream to make reality, but I could in fact be happy in a monogamous relationship too, if it were the right person...but again these are just my wants and desires.

Rainla 10-02-2011 06:31 AM

^^ Haha, to be honest, I was just a bit excited/nervous/wondering when I wrote this, so it's fairly a brief, not completely accurate idea of what I am looking for in this as well. I just was posting the basic idea behind it.

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