Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Harsh! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15184)

River 09-29-2011 09:45 PM

Harsh!
 
Here are some people ganging up on non-monogamous people.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11426715.aspx

Harsh, no?

Other folks can post their examples here, too.

SourGirl 09-29-2011 10:33 PM

Simple question : Why ?

Why have a thread showing all the ways people dislike non-monogamy ? That is pretty much evident everywhere else.
People come to the poly board to find some sort of basic acceptance of their non-monogamy, not more examples of hate.

River 09-30-2011 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SourGirl (Post 104335)
People come to the poly board to find some sort of basic acceptance of their non-monogamy, not more examples of hate.

I thought these fora were for discussing all aspects of polyamory. I had never thought of it as a place where we can or should hide from the rest of the world.

If this thread is offensive to bunches of folks here (speak up!), I will ask that it be removed.

Honestly, SourGirl, I was quite surprised at the extent of contempt for non-monogamy I saw in the link I provided. I saw hatred and utter dismissal, and it surprised me by its sort of torch bearing atmosphere. Perhaps you are right and we should not discuss such hatred here. Perhaps we ought to treat this place as a sanctuary from such views. I dunno. I have an activist bent. Always have, being an LGBT person. When folks hate me I want to educate them out of it. And I figure ignoring them won't work. But your concern is legitimate.

Votes? (informal votes, that is.) Should we can this thread? Yes or no?

AnnabelMore 09-30-2011 02:30 AM

If you seek negativity on the internet, you'll find a bottomless pit of it. Homophobia, racism, misogyny, and a million other forms of ignorance, people throw their darkest thoughts out there either because they get to be anonymous, or because they finally have a soap box, or both.

If we're going to dissect the major prejudices people have against poly and figure out ways to educate, well, that's one thing, though I might find the task too depressing even then. But random cruel rantings on other message boards, there won't be any end to it or any sense to it, so why engage with it?

SourGirl 09-30-2011 02:58 AM

It`s the 'style'.
Of asking people to post examples.
Searching for dislike and hate, struck me as odd.

If people come with personal stories, where they were attacked, that makes total sense. Or even a thread where people talked about personal things they heard in real life.
( we have those.)
It has nothing to do with activism. You can be a activist, and support your own cause, without inciting, spreading, or relaying hate.

I don`t think you have to ask for the thread to be removed. Any threads people don`t favour, tend to 'swim with the fishies' anyhow.

zylya 09-30-2011 11:27 AM

In fairness:

1. The guy sprang the whole triad thing on her after LYING to her that he was broken up with his ex.
2. He is desperate and needy (not a bad thing, but definitely unattractive)
3. He's basically giving her an ultimatum here
4. He's only interested in his OWN desires.

The guy basically deserves to be ridiculed for it. Like the topic creator herself said, she's supportive of polyamory, but when the guy plans a monogamous relationship with a girl and tells her he's left his ex, then comes up with this then he's doing it wrong. Most of the people in that topic aren't laughing at polyamory, they're laughing at how badly this guy has gone about it.

nycindie 09-30-2011 02:05 PM

I went and read that thread on POF and lost focus a third of the way through the first post, it was just so convoluted, rambling, and hard to follow. I then skimmed the rest, which was basically people calling names, and that bored me. I don't see anything constructive in going there to read it. No need to delete or close this thread, though, if other people want to get into it. Finding negative stuff about poly elsewhere on the internet is just not something I'd be drawn to, unless there was something in the news that would go on our Press and Media forum, so I probably won't check this one out again.

NeonKaos 09-30-2011 02:24 PM

This thread is not negative ENOUGH for me. :p

It should be double-plus-un-positive.

Magdlyn 09-30-2011 02:34 PM

God, how I hate plentyoffish. I never found one single guy there remotely attractive. They all have weird names, and pose with their motorcycles, and want either completely casual sex, or a "Little Woman" housewife type, seems to me.

I was glad when their site was hacked and they wanted me to reset my password. I never did.

River 09-30-2011 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zylya (Post 104408)
[....] The guy basically deserves to be ridiculed for it. Like the topic creator herself said, she's supportive of polyamory, but when the guy plans a monogamous relationship with a girl and tells her he's left his ex, then comes up with this then he's doing it wrong. Most of the people in that topic aren't laughing at polyamory, they're laughing at how badly this guy has gone about it.

Hmm. Perhaps. I mean, yes, the guy was a little creepy in some ways, but probably mostly because he's a total poly novice who probably doesn't even know there are magazines, books, websites, etc., devoted to an intelligent approach to loving more than one simultaneously.

Anyway, I thought most of the comments were directed at non-monogamy rather than this guy's ... shall we say, personal shortcomings. But you might well be right, zylya. It might be the creepy factor apart from the poly factor.


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:20 AM.