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-   -   Self Reflection.. (Wasting Time Followup) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15124)

jokutus 09-28-2011 04:07 PM

Self Reflection.. (Wasting Time Followup)
 
After taking some serious time to think about the opinions on mt previous rant thread (see wasting time" I realized I had forgotten some of the "basics".

1. You guys are right, this is not a competition or a race. - All of my closest friends are poly, naturally I started having feelings of being left out. But that isnt their fault, its just my feelings!! They still love me whether I was in 2 or 200 relationships!!

2. I'm not defective - I have quirks, but so does everyone else! The person who will enjoy those quirks may or may not cross my path, so I have to own them as part of me.

3. I am my own primary. I am so used to caring about what happens to the members of my immediate circle of friends that I routinely forget about me! I have been puting off things that I want to do, looking for a secondary is just keeping me from doing those things.

4. I am already pretty well off! I have a wife and friends who love me!

So in closing, thanks to my meltdown and this forum kicking my ass, I realized I should focus on me and be happy that those around me love me. I may never have a secondary relationship and I am okay with that.

AnnabelMore 09-28-2011 06:40 PM

Wow! Congratulations, J!!

dingedheart 09-28-2011 07:11 PM

I'm still curious as to why your wife doesn't understand?


As for being happy yourself .... I recommend taking up auto racing ...its extremely fun and time consuming ....wife.... what wife ....very easy to get lost in. Also its a great way to channel that competitive nature of yours.

redpepper 09-29-2011 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jokutus (Post 104092)
After taking some serious time to think about the opinions on mt previous rant thread (see wasting time" I realized I had forgotten some of the "basics".

1. You guys are right, this is not a competition or a race. - All of my closest friends are poly, naturally I started having feelings of being left out. But that isnt their fault, its just my feelings!! They still love me whether I was in 2 or 200 relationships!!

2. I'm not defective - I have quirks, but so does everyone else! The person who will enjoy those quirks may or may not cross my path, so I have to own them as part of me.

3. I am my own primary. I am so used to caring about what happens to the members of my immediate circle of friends that I routinely forget about me! I have been puting off things that I want to do, looking for a secondary is just keeping me from doing those things.

4. I am already pretty well off! I have a wife and friends who love me!

So in closing, thanks to my meltdown and this forum kicking my ass, I realized I should focus on me and be happy that those around me love me. I may never have a secondary relationship and I am okay with that.

*like*

River 09-29-2011 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dingedheart (Post 104117)
As for being happy yourself .... I recommend taking up auto racing ...its extremely fun and time consuming ....wife.... what wife ....very easy to get lost in. Also its a great way to channel that competitive nature of yours.


Nah, take up sail boat racing instead, if you must race something. You don't need any hobbies that involve burning fossil fuels whilst driving round in circles.:D

dingedheart 09-29-2011 07:40 PM

I've done both ....are you talking j24 's or hobbies ....or bigger ones. Crewing on a large boats is cheap....everything else gets really expensive really fast. Beer can races where always lots fun ....always a healthy dose of drinking and socializing after ...even some fighting. ...drunken sailors go figure.

I'll say they are both fun but are very different from each other ....going 150 down the back straight knowing if you fuck up you're going in the wall is a very different feeling then 10 to 15 knots on a boat. Although hiking out on cats on a rough day in high winds with cold water underneath will get your blood pumping in a very similar manner. Turtleling really really sucks in cold water.

nycindie 09-29-2011 08:20 PM

There's always model boat or car racing. Those could happen in any part of the country and might be a good venue to meet people. I see the people at the boat pond in Central Park, with their little transistor control thingies, making the model boats sail, and they are always meeting and talking to people who walk up to them and ask them about their boats. And those model boats are very detailed and beautiful! I think it would be a relaxing hobby.

redpepper 09-29-2011 08:30 PM

Take up doing burlesque shows. That's what I do. Or become a groupy. Some people follow the ladies everywhere and are really encouraging and supportive. There need to be more men though! I would love to see more pasties on men ;)

AnnabelMore 09-29-2011 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 104315)
Take up doing burlesque shows. That's what I do. Or become a groupy. Some people follow the ladies everywhere and are really encouraging and supportive. There need to be more men though! I would love to see more pasties on men ;)

Google "Paco Fish" if you don't already know him. :D

NeonKaos 09-29-2011 10:28 PM

Ride a bike.


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