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OriginalMike 09-27-2011 11:47 PM

Greetings from Mike
 
I'm a 53 year old straight poly male in a V relationship with two lovely straight mono females. My 56 year old bride of 11+ years (who rationally understands my being poly and emotionally does not) and my 42 year old OSO.

My wife and I have homes on lakes near Spokane as well as near Fargo, SD. We primarily live near Spokane, as I have children who are still in high school. We met on the 'net back in the dial up days and carried on a long distance relationship for a year and a half before getting married.

For decades I was a square peg in a round hole. I knew I was different, because I never fit into the I want to be happily married to one person forever mold. I tried, but never felt complete.

I did not identify myself as being poly until I read "Open" last year. Wow! I could relate to a lot of what the author had to say.

My bride is an amazing person for going through the struggles she has with me. I warned her when I met her, I would not be easy to live with and life would never be boring. We lived a mono life (Ozzie and Harriet) until five years ago. Due to circumstances involving the mother of my children (she was trying to get at my wife's assets), my wife and I had lived apart for several years and I commuted to see her. Spending most of my time at a distance from her was lonely - and it did what came naturally, started hanging out with the mother of one of my son's friends. One thing lead to another and the friendship became more than just friends.

My wife had the patience to stick with me and decided she wanted to be my wife. What followed was a journey into explorations. My ex and I had participated in the swinging lifestyle, so my wife and I gave that a try. Whilst I had an overall pleasant time, my wife was severely disappointed by the lack of quality male lovers - sadly most of the men my age have not taken care of themselves.

Finally my wife decided it was not for her - she would rather stay home and read a good novel, than have unrewarding sexual experiences. I had the occasional FWB, but found that to be lacking.

In February, I had a first date with my now OSO, and a second in March. She was totally unfamiliar with the world of poly, but we did have a mutual attraction. At the end of our second date, with a tear in her eye, she told me she wasn't going to be able to be "the other woman", but we could be friends.

We did Facebook each other and I had a chance to explain the basics of polyamory. In May, she was in a car crash, and broke her back. After she got out of the hospital, she called me up out of the blue one day, and asked if I would take her out, as she had been stuck in her house since being released.

We've been seeing each other on a regular basis since, and have developed a relationship based upon friendship, which has blossomed into us being in love with each other. We've not yet been sexual, however she has been telling for a month or so that she is ready...I've planned a "first night" for us - flowers, limo, nice supper, elegant room at a lakeside bed & breakfast for the 8th.

My wife and OSO have met and talked more than once, and enjoy each others company. My OSO has invited us to her house to watch football on Sunday and we've had her out for supper at our house twice (one time my wife even went to pick her up, while I cooked). We've also all been out to supper together.

Never in my life have I felt so complete, from a relationship stand point.

My wife struggles. She has this vision of "The Nelson's" and is not at all pleased with the results of my being poly. If I have heard the, "it is against my morals and ethics" speech once, I have heard it a thousand times. She says she accepts me as being poly, however does not act like she does. Any time I am out with my OSO, she is all worked up before, during and after. I get shunned like I have a disease.

Prax 09-28-2011 04:39 AM

Hi Mike!

We are in a somewhat similar situation, though totally different demographic - I'm a 20-year-old female in the middle of a V with two men, my "theoretically poly" (interested but never dated anyone else) fiancÚ of two years, and a relatively new mono boyfriend of a few months. The fiancÚ and I live together during the summer, but I live with the boyfriend during the school year, which has been causing some jealousy lately.

Hopefully we can both find help here in quelling our significant others' negative feelings.

AnnabelMore 09-28-2011 05:15 AM

Hello to both of you. :) There's some wonderful advice on understanding and handling jealousy here that might be useful for your SO's: http://www.morethantwo.com/

Good luck!

OriginalMike 09-28-2011 04:06 PM

Prax ~

Keep in mind, jealousy issues are NOT about you, they are about the insecurities of your partner(s). If they trust enough in the strength of your relationship, then they will get past most of these feelings naturally.

Most of the better books on polyamory have a chapter devoted to jealousy issues. I'd suggest latching on to one and share it with your jealous partner - take turns reading aloud and discussing.

Ciao ~ Mike


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