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-   -   Not Monogamous (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14779)

Avalyne 09-21-2011 08:36 AM

Not Monogamous
Hello. I'm a bi-sexual woman from Utah (No, that is not in Montana! ;) ). Currently single, and in what I call a "conscientious celibacy" phase. Getting over two recent and successive break-ups, so doing some self-eval and self-nurturing. I'm also a busy mother of teens.

Grew up mainstream Mormon and somehow, in my mind, linked polyamory with "polygamy" (yes, I know the Mormons practiced polygyny--THEY don't differentiate it! :rolleyes:) and with all the associated fears and bad feelings which run rampant among mainstream Mormon women toward that part of our ancestral "legacy." I left religion 12 years ago, came out, dated mostly women, (and mostly monogamously) for several years while also being actively involved in local GLBT groups. Dabbled in BDSM (I prefer the BD to the SM), and then moved reluctantly into "swinging" with my last two (male) partners. I'm not a true swinger (though I have met some wonderful friends and learned a lot about myself). I'm a very sexual, sensual person who wants deep and loving connections with my lovers.

Finding a place where I "fit in" has been ridiculous, so I've stopped doing that, and I'm just living my life; pretty happy with who I am. What I'm finding, as I read, learn, and spend time with local poly friends, is that polyamory answers so much of what I've questioned in myself for much of my adult life. Accepting that I'm NOT monogamous (never was) and finding a community of people who believe that honesty, connectedness, and openness can exist, is so healing. I feel like it's the first time I've been able to really just love myself without having to go "find" a relationship to complete me. So, I'm glad to be here and glad to be hearing everyone's stories. I'm learning, learning, learning... about life and about myself. It's great.

triadlady 09-21-2011 08:53 AM

Great post...and welcome newbie
It is SO good to hear someone speak so much from the heart of trying to find a place to 'fit.' I struggled through some of the same avenues you did for years, after a mono 15 yr marriage that ended in divorce I went from swinger sites, to FWB relationships, to suffering through a very heartfelt painful breakup with a man who presented himself as a single mono man looking for an occasional threesome to telling me a year into our relationship he wanted a 'harem' or "stable" of women and that he wanted me but many others as well. He wanted to me to pick women and then watch him 'whoo' them into the exact lie I was living....whew, that was a mouthful and glad I had the courage to end it.....so I did as you did and took a break and just 'lived' my life and looked from inside myself to find my own happiness and what I really wanted and waited to see if it really existed. So far, it is working well and my traid is one of the best, most loving things that has ever happened to me.
I admire your honesty and agree with your feelings of the poly community offering answers to so many questions about life, love and sexuality. I wish you well and look forward to hearing more.
Kind regards,

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