Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Life stories and blogs (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   INo (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14755)

INo 09-20-2011 04:51 PM

INo
 
Hello people. Guess I'll just start my own little thread here in regards to my life. Brief history: Married 5 years to my wife, together for 7 since college. No kids but one Lab. A year ago wifey confessed that she was falling in love with her coworker and that she didn't want to lose me: Meaning she wanted both of us. My initial reaction was anger and I called bullshit. So we went on a unstable route for the next few months until I "gave in," after boundaries were established between the 3 of us. It was either boundaries or divorce. I will be honest to letting my resentment stir in the first few months of this starting but I got my feelings out into the air and now I'm a lot more comfortable with our current relationship of 9 months. And I gradually grew close to the guy. He's nice to both of us and is down-to-earth and not arrogant.

I still wonder whether am I the "little one" in this relationship but I try not to stress out over that. It's like a sort of vibe that's rubbing off on me and I can't quite place a finger on it. Wife says I need to stop over analyzing and just relax.:D

INo 09-22-2011 02:00 AM

Well I heard something interesting today in our house: A lot of grunting sounds upstairs in the bedroom. Already knew what was going on. Then I heard another sound. It sounded like a yelp and I swear I almost burst out laughing. Had to contain it so they wouldn't hear me. It is so hilarious hearing those two go at it.

I gotta take Kayla (our Labrador) to the vet tomorrow to get her rabies vaccine. She hates going there. That's the only time she's stubborn.:(

AnnabelMore 09-22-2011 03:45 AM

Hey Ino, welcome! I've gotta admit, I'm curious... what do you mean by the "little one" in the relationship?

INo 09-22-2011 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 103270)
Hey Ino, welcome! I've gotta admit, I'm curious... what do you mean by the "little one" in the relationship?

Hey thanks for the warm welcome, Anna.

What I meant by the "little one" is I guess I feel like I'm secondary. I don't know if that's the correct term but that's the best I can describe the feeling. I mean I am getting my needs met but the feeling is like a small dot.

ClosetPoly 09-23-2011 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by INo (Post 103247)
Well I heard something interesting today in our house: A lot of grunting sounds upstairs in the bedroom. Already knew what was going on. Then I heard another sound. It sounded like a yelp and I swear I almost burst out laughing. Had to contain it so they wouldn't hear me. It is so hilarious hearing those two go at it.(


....are you really sure about this? I don't mean to question your feelings or level of acceptance, but for me, if nothing else, I would consider it rude. Alone time ALONE is one thing, but in the same house when you are there is not cool, in my book. Could this be a reason you feel small, or are you *actually* perfectly okay with this?

INo 09-23-2011 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClosetPoly (Post 103402)
....are you really sure about this? I don't mean to question your feelings or level of acceptance, but for me, if nothing else, I would consider it rude. Alone time ALONE is one thing, but in the same house when you are there is not cool, in my book. Could this be a reason you feel small, or are you *actually* perfectly okay with this?

No no I'm perfectly fine with it. I mean it's not like they do it at our house all the time, and in the beginning of our triad we were in agreement to them doing it only at his house. I guess you could say that was back when I was uneasy about the relationship.

I still don't know how to accurately describe this feeling I have. I don't know if this jealousy, insecurity, or what. Is my subconscious trying to warn me? Maybe I need to see a personal counselor in the future that can help.

SourGirl 09-23-2011 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClosetPoly (Post 103402)
I don't mean to question your feelings or level of acceptance, but for me, if nothing else, I would consider it rude. Alone time ALONE is one thing, but in the same house when you are there is not cool, in my book. Could this be a reason you feel small, or are you *actually* perfectly okay with this?

.....but you are.

One thing we have to be careful of ( All of us, myself included.) is not to put doubts in other people`s heads, when they say they are fine with something. All this non-monogamous stuff is hard enough, without people planting rotten seeds.

If it really isn`t ok, it will rise up of its own accord. Otherwise, I see far to many people who truly are ok with something, until others act like it is not allowed, in the 'Poly Book-O-Rulz'.

Section 7 , code 9 : 'Let there be no hearing of grunts, moans, or juicy matters, within thy coveted earth-home.'

* squishes that paper* Fuck that. :D

It might be just what he needs. Maybe they sound so funny, it takes all the pressure off him, that the other guy is not some ultra-stud. As long as he speaks up, when he isn`t in the mood to hear it, no harm, no fowl.
********
OP : I think you need to talk more. My general impression is blogging will be good for you, and discussing things out-loud as they come up. The odd feelings you have, are probably a mixture of things. ( all the feelings you suggested),...they grow and whirlpool, if you keep them to yourself.

Therapy, blogging, and friends who are soundboards will help you feel in control of those feelings.

INo 09-23-2011 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SourGirl (Post 103450)
.....but you are.

One thing we have to be careful of ( All of us, myself included.) is not to put doubts in other people`s heads, when they say they are fine with something. All this non-monogamous stuff is hard enough, without people planting rotten seeds.

If it really isn`t ok, it will rise up of its own accord. Otherwise, I see far to many people who truly are ok with something, until others act like it is not allowed, in the 'Poly Book-O-Rulz'.

Section 7 , code 9 : 'Let there be no hearing of grunts, moans, or juicy matters, within thy coveted earth-home.'

* squishes that paper* Fuck that. :D

Oh wow. "Thy coveted earth-home?" Priceless.LOL:D

Quote:

It might be just what he needs. Maybe they sound so funny, it takes all the pressure off him, that the other guy is not some ultra-stud. As long as he speaks up, when he isn`t in the mood to hear it, no harm, no fowl.
********
OP : I think you need to talk more. My general impression is blogging will be good for you, and discussing things out-loud as they come up. The odd feelings you have, are probably a mixture of things. ( all the feelings you suggested),...they grow and whirlpool, if you keep them to yourself.

Therapy, blogging, and friends who are soundboards will help you feel in control of those feelings.
Great suggestions SourGirl, you're probably right about the odd feeling I have.

INo 09-25-2011 12:40 AM

Okay first off before I blog about today I think wifey and her boyfriend deserve nicknames. Wife's will be Jess, and her boyfriend's will be Mark.

So Jess woke me up this afternoon (yes I overslept) and was all frantic, and kept saying how I need to come see what was going on outside. I got up and walked to the door and creaked it open to see our neighbor next door to us in a police cruiser. There were 5 other cruisers parked near his house and I saw some of the officers walking in and out his house with what looked like to be bagged items. Guess the guy probably had something in his house that was illegal and they were taking some of his belongings as evidence. He was a nice guy and we always talked once in a while whenever we saw each other. Oh well. After watching that small episode of "Cops" me and Jess drove to Mark's and picked him up so me and him can shoot some hoops at the rec for a few ours with the locals. It was a good workout. Teamed up and played against on a few games and as usual when I regularly go there, a lot of trash talking.:rolleyes: Mark got a good little game, and almost got me one-on-one.:D

When Jess picked us up she looked at us and was like, "Oooh two hot sweaty men!" I rubbed some of my sweat on her and she screamed. That was too funny.LOL Got back home, both of us took showers and she snuggled up on the living room couch with him. I left them to spend some time together while I went to my best friend's house for his family barbeque. Talked to him and some of his folks and ate some good ribs. Damn his mom can throw down. My friend doesn't know that I have opened up my marriage and I have for the longest, been debating on whether I should tell him or just keep it on the low. To be honest I'm afraid of his reaction and whether that would cost us our 15 year relationship. Jess in the past has told me she will support whatever decision I make, but I'm still uncertain. Other than that, my day ended well.

AnnabelMore 09-25-2011 05:01 AM

Tough call on the question of whether or not to be out. How awkward, though, if people pick up on stuff and think you're being cheated on, and have to figure out whether or not to tell you their suspicions.

A great piece of advice I'll paraphrase from Dan Savage -- people often just don't know how to react. If you break the news in a tone of voice like you're saying "I have cancer" they will take it poorly. If you talk about it like it's an exciting, fun secret, you may get a very different reaction.


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:36 PM.