Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   An awkard predicament. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14556)

johnh24 09-14-2011 10:05 PM

An awkard predicament.
 
Ok, well this is gunna be hard, and i need to explain it.

I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now. We're inseperable- and everyone, seemingly in the whole town know we're together.

We're both friends with another girl. She is similar age to us, and has been a best friend to both of us. But recently, after a few disturbing dreams i was talking to this friend, as i always do... and it started to build up over a few months. Last week i finally confessed my feelings. She knows i'm already in a strong relationship, and understands, and she said she loves me back.

Now here's the dilemma. My girlfriend doesn't know. She's a one man, one woman type- and I know she won't change. I think if i tried telling her about this friend (remember, they're best buddies too), I might as well just emotionally die, because she would live in pain for the rest of her life...

Until now, i thought i was having stupid ideas. but they've come to reality. I need to know how i can ever tell her, and we can remain where we are.
Btw, with this other girl, the relationship is not sexual at all.

I hope i find some help.

NeonKaos 09-14-2011 10:46 PM

If you both like this girl, why not ask her out on a three-way date?

Allstar 09-14-2011 10:51 PM

Bite the bullet and come straight out with it. No beating around the bush. Just be honest, calm and prepare for the fallout. Sorry there isn't anything better to tell you.

Anneintherain 09-14-2011 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnh24 (Post 102193)



Now here's the dilemma. My girlfriend doesn't know. She's a one man, one woman type- and I know she won't change. I think if i tried telling her about this friend (remember, they're best buddies too), I might as well just emotionally die, because she would live in pain for the rest of her life...

These are assumptions that might not be true. You might be right, you might be wrong, she might be horrified at first and then change her mind when she has time to think about it.
One thing that's not smart in any relationship is to make decisions FOR your partner without giving them the opportunity to know there is a decision to be made.

If you tell your girlfriend, she may see it as a betrayal that you already spoke to the other girl about your feelings before talking to her, but before going down that road at all with the other chick, you probably want to tell your gf what is going on. I don't have specific advice as to HOW to best tell her, but if you keep reading around the boards you'll probably see pertinent threads. Just better in this case to say it to her sooner than later, if you don't want to dig a big hole that will just get harder to crawl out of the more time that passes, and the more emotional intimacy you share with this other girl while your gf is in the dark.

I wish you luck!


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:50 AM.