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Aletheia 09-13-2011 09:32 PM

An into...
 
Hi! I'm terrible at introductions. I always feels so awkward.

I am a guy married to a wonderful woman! We have been married for 4 years come this October. For the last 3 years or so we have talked about, discussed and toyed with the idea of bringing another woman into our relationship. It would either be a Vee with her at the bottom or a triad ( Much more rare, and less likely to happen).

She is Bi and loves woman and I have no problem with her being in a relationship with a woman and not having be be "involved". I would still like to be at least her friend though :). We would want it to be a poly-fi relationship.

Recently we found a woman that was open to that and have been pursuing her. She said she was interested in both of us, though it seems apparent that she leans more towards my wife, which is cool :cool: .

We are trying to be open and honest and talk to each other and her as much as possible. We don't have terribly high hopes, mostly because we don't want them dashed. We like her a lot and have a lot in common. This is our first attempt at this so any advice anyone feels like giving out would be awesome. Thanks!!

ImaginaryIllusion 09-13-2011 09:40 PM

Welcome to the Forum.

You've picked a tricky situation to pursue, but it sounds like you're trying to keep expectations in check. I'd say that's a pretty good start.

Aletheia 09-13-2011 09:44 PM

Thanks! We did a lot of thinking and talking and I did a lot of reading, mainly on this forum, about problems and issues other people have had. It has helped a lot to see how other people have dealt with their own situations. Awesome site, thanks to all who contribute to it :)

nycindie 09-14-2011 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aletheia (Post 102073)
She is Bi and loves woman and I have no problem with her being in a relationship with a woman and not having be be "involved" . . . We would want it to be a poly-fi relationship.

Well, of course, it would take some time, patience, and trust to get to the point of being poly-fi. I don't think you should expect that right off the bat.

I'm curious... would you also be okay if your wife happens to meet another man and wants to have a relationship with him?

Aletheia 09-14-2011 09:52 AM

My wife and I have talked about her meeting another man and pursuing a relationship and she has told me that she has no interest in that. I'm ok with that. To be honest I'm not sure how I would react emotionally to that.

We expect this whole relationship to take time, trust and patience. Both of us ( My wife, myself and Her) talked about our expectations in the beginning so that there would be no huge surprises later on. We told her first thing that we were aiming for a poly-fi relationship just because that is something that not everyone would wanting.

Magdlyn 09-14-2011 01:14 PM

This is interesting to me because you said in another thread, you (and I assume your wife) are conservative Christians. If you have Biblical based beliefs (and your beliefs are not based on anything written after or besides the official Biblical canon) you may be comfortable with your wife having a female lover. There is no outright condemnation of lesbian love or sex in the Bible. (I often wonder how the women in harems, or "sister wives" related to each other back in BCE Old Testament times.) Of course, men are not prohibited from having multiple wives or concubines either, as long as the man can provide for his wives and lovers. Divorce was also easy back then, just writing a note of divorcement was all that was required under Torah. However, Jesus was quoted as being against divorce.

So, the only immediate questions that come up in my mind is, would you truly be fine with your wife having a gf, even if her gf was not as interested in you, emotionally or sexually? Wouldnt you feel jealous your wife had 2 sex/love partners, and you only had one, her? How would you occupy yourself when your wife was on dates with her gf? Do you think there would come a point when you'd want a gf of your own as well?

Aletheia 09-14-2011 08:43 PM

We are both Christians and we do base our beliefs on the bible. You are right! There is nothing in the bible that prohibits or even discourages relations between 2 women.

I would be totally ok with my wife having a gf even if she was not interested in me sexually. I would at least like to be friends with her though. I think it would make things difficult for both of us if at least that was not possible.

My wife has already gone on several dates with the woman I mentioned. So far there is nothing about it that bothers me. During that time I get my much needed alone time and get to spend more time with my 2 children, which is always a plus. I know that activities like that cannot always make up for the feeling of being in a relationship with another person, but so far that has not been an issue.

I think there might come a time that I would want my own gf but at the moment I would much rather us either "share" a relationship with a woman, or have my wife be the center of a V relationship. We will see what time brings with all this. Thanks for your response!

Derbylicious 09-19-2011 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aletheia (Post 102113)
My wife and I have talked about her meeting another man and pursuing a relationship and she has told me that she has no interest in that. I'm ok with that. To be honest I'm not sure how I would react emotionally to that.

Being that she is bisexual it might be worth working on why taking a male lover is more of an emotional battle than a female lover. Although it might not be on the immediate horizon, you never know what the future brings.


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