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-   -   Something new (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14464)

Allstar 09-12-2011 11:00 AM

Something new
Hey guys,
It has been a while since I posted on here. Things have been going great until recently. Let me say this is not to say they are going bad, but something new has come up and I find it interesting.

Recently I have met one of my neighbors in the apartment complex, she came out to ask about my motorcycle when it when down during the hurricane. I was working on fixing the minor damages. It is working like a champ now. I mentioned this to my primary partner and the jealousy started to fly. Now I understand what she is going through, I dealt with it too. But she is scared. She holds worrys for four separate women in my life. None of which are really ever going to be a problem.

Here is the issue, I came into this mono, and I am still mono. I feel like I want to try and see if I am poly. The new girl knows I am in a poly relationship and isn't wanting to pursue anything with me. I have told my SO this and I spend just about all of my time with my SO. She worrys that I will leave her because this other woman is mono and would be more inclined to give me a lifestyle I am use to. I tell my SO not to worry, I have no intentions of dating her at all. What can I do, to help calm my SO's mind and show her that she is who I want to be with? Since I met this other woman a couple of weeks ago, I have spent an hour total time with her, we went for a short motorcycle ride.

dingedheart 09-13-2011 04:41 AM

She doesn't sound all that poly to me. Try saying the exact same things she told you with the exact same tone. Wait your not seeing anybody yet....

Do you think it might be possible that she's using this poly flag so she won't get hurt by another guy.....not putting all eggs in one basket.... I think some people don't want be that vulnerable again with one person. Maybe that's why you were just the guy see was seeing....her heart has been smashed too many times before. You might be paying some other guys sins.

How does she say these things with a straight face....and why is it ok for her and not for you?

Allstar 09-13-2011 12:05 PM

I know she has been hurt before, she was in a triad. It was horrible for her. I am the first person she is seriously seeing in 3 years. She is telling me these things because I push for her to talk about it. Otherwise she would bottle it up and deal with it. I think it is rough with the timing because I deploy at the end of Oct. and I am still in a mono mindset, she fears that she would lose me. Mostly to anyone that would give me what I am use to.

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