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-   -   I don't even (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14442)

Zenferno 09-11-2011 11:19 AM

I don't even
I think I have a problem. I'm in my first poly-ish relationship (We've exchanged like-likes, very adult of us). We spent several weeks together and things were absolutely amazing, but we've been long distance for a week and now things seem to be unraveling nearly as quickly as they came together.

I've been married for over 5 years and it's always been so easy. My wife and I never argue, and sync so well on every level that I've never really had to deal with things not being simple and clean.

Should I just take my licks if I want to be serious about being poly, or am I too spoiled to ever make anything work?

I appreciate any help in advance.

TruckerPete 09-11-2011 12:45 PM

There are lots of people here who are very helpful, but you're going to have to give us more details about the actual problem, other than "it's not going smoothly."


MichelleZed 09-11-2011 02:53 PM


Originally Posted by Zenferno (Post 101721)
I've been married for over 5 years and it's always been so easy. My wife and I never argue, and sync so well on every level that I've never really had to deal with things not being simple and clean.

I know, right? Non-poly people often do not understand this aspect of dating around. It's HARD, and often an open, communicative marriage is safe and easy to retreat into.

You don't sound like you have a problem, really. Enjoy your wonderful marriage, and good luck with the other partners, whatever comes along.

nycindie 09-11-2011 08:18 PM

Hi there. What is the problem now that you are long distance? Are you wanting or expecting more frequent communication? Can you explain what you see, exactly, as the thing that is now "unraveling?"

Zenferno 09-11-2011 09:04 PM

I apologize for being vague. I'm having a hard time phrasing the problem myself.

When we started spending time together it was like reuniting with an old friend. We were finishing each other's sentences, making each other cry with laughter, the works. We even share a lot of strange quirks like our love of making scenes in public or how we both profile people based on how they order and eat sushi. Insant best friends; just add water.

Our split was abrupt and during a stressful time for both of us (work for her, personal for me). She said she didn't do well with goodbyes, and we both decided that if we kept in touch it would be minimal. That didn't work out at all.

We talk at least a couple of hours every day. At first it was no different, but after a few days she started acting callous and distant. We've argued twice in the past three days and the last argument had me so frustrated I hung up on her. I never do that. I'm usually a really easy going guy.

I'm probably being childish. I'm not sure what I should be expecting or why I'd let one bad week bring me down. Things are just backsliding so quickly it has me worried and confused.

I guess what I need is less poly advice and more just general dating advice. Like I said, I've never dealt with this kind of thing before.

nycindie 09-11-2011 11:18 PM

Okay, more to go on, thanks...

So, is there anything keeping you from calling her and, first apologizing for hanging up on her, and then telling her everything you stated here: "I feel a distance between us, and I don't like arguing with you. I'm really not even sure what to expect, but I miss the way we connected before you moved away. I'm a little confused about how things are going now, and I miss you. How are you feeling about us?"

Zenferno 09-12-2011 09:11 PM

Thanks for the nudge :) . I called her and said basically what I said here. We ended up talking for over 6 hours. We started making plans for her to visit and that helped a lot.

After I posted this topic I realized how trivial it was compared to most of the other threads here. Thanks for taking me seriously.

nycindie 09-12-2011 10:13 PM

It's never trivial when your heart is in turmoil. Glad you had a good heart-to-heart with her and reconnected. Yay!

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