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-   -   New and wanting to give it a go... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14333)

prenominalpolyamorist 09-08-2011 04:34 AM

New and wanting to give it a go...
 
Hi everyone! Hmm...what to say...this is my first time here...I am a SWF, 30 years old, small built and in good shape, and attractive as far as I have been told...lol (is this an advertisement or what?)...I have spent my entire life in monogamous relationships. As a result of my most recent monogamous relationship, I have been left confused, unfulfilled and lonely with 4 children. When I left my ex of nearly 10 years, I had the chance to find myself again, to figure out who I am. I have learned that I am more interested in a plural relationship. I enjoy the idea and welcome the thought of sharing a more family like experience with a MF couple. I am not opposed to two males either. I am not lesbian or bi. I want to be able to find a partnership with persons who value the idea of raising children in an environment of love without constraints. I want the chance to have an open and trusting companionship with both persons, I am open to anything at this point, I would just like to hear back from some of you. I really don't know where to begin....I have never pursued this before but it is dying to come out of me...well...there you have it! If you are in the Illinois vacinity or open to a long distance realationship while we get to know eachother, please let me know...if you have any advice for me...let me know...

prenominalpolyamorist 09-08-2011 04:57 AM

...when I look back on my life, I have always felt as if something was lacking...often finding myself hinding the feelings I had when I became attracted to someone other than my monogamous partner. I would feel ashamed or dishonest...I don't want to feel that way. I want to be able to realize my feelings and to be close with someone who understands them. It becomes a struggle to pretend and portray yourself a certain way when you are having emotions and excitement that are pulling at you. I hope that someone can help me to sort out these ideas and lead me into a more confident decision in the type or style of poly relationship I really am looking for. At this point, all I have are thoughts...no one to bounce them off of. I just know that I am ready to dive into this and hopefully fill more at home in my new skin, now that I am not afraid to hide it.

destined 09-08-2011 12:06 PM

I tried sending u a private message earlier, but I don't think it sent. So, I sent you a "Befriend" request.

I was in the same boat, struggling to paddle up river, without a paddle! Divorced from the person I dedicated over a decade of my life with. Alone, confused, and with 3 children. My "knight in shining armor" came to me several years ago, but did not rescue me~he guided me to where I am today; which is a much better and satisfying life! We've been on a few different websites seeking our desires, recently this subject came up and I think we've finally found our place.

My two cents are: what a fantastic hiarchy where one is blessed to feel the love, support and dedication from those who are compassionate, understanding and only wanting your happiness. An environment free of jealousy with all working for the good of the family unit.

Magdlyn 09-08-2011 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prenominalpolyamorist (Post 101222)
... I am more interested in a plural relationship. I enjoy the idea and welcome the thought of sharing a more family like experience with a MF couple. I am not opposed to two males either. I am not lesbian or bi.

So, you want to live with an established couple, but you don't want sex with the wife, just with the husband. How do you think that would work?

Wouldnt there be some jealousy issues, the h getting some new ass and the wife just having to deal?

Quote:

I want to be able to find a partnership with persons who value the idea of raising children in an environment of love without constraints. I want the chance to have an open and trusting companionship with both persons, I am open to anything at this point, I would just like to hear back from some of you. I really don't know where to begin....I have never pursued this before but it is dying to come out of me...well...there you have it! If you are in the Illinois vacinity or open to a long distance realationship while we get to know eachother, please let me know...if you have any advice for me...let me know...
Do a tag search here on triads and unicorns. Be aware that triad relationships, or in your case, a V with a one penis policy, are rife with issues.

Most poly people date separately. It's hard inserting oneself into an already established relationship. I don't recommend looking to date a couple. Find a nice guy, maybe he has a gf already, maybe not. Get to know him. Maybe you'll like his gf, maybe you won't. Moving in with them should wait til you have had a good year to establish boundaries. Especially since you've got kids in the mix.

prenominalpolyamorist 09-11-2011 09:01 PM

To clear things up
 
ok, I did state that I am not currently a lesbian or bi-sexual. I say that because I have never experienced an act other than a threesome with a male and another female. I liked it alot but wasn't sure if it meant I am actually bi...I find both sexes very attractive and am not afraid of opening new doors. I just haven't really touched that area of my life. I have been pushed by family to believe its not suppose to be that way...but I am ready for new beginnings and actually interested in both male and female...does that make sense?

Kishou 09-12-2011 03:49 AM

I think it does. You hold no particular interest or bias in it because it never conflicted towards your beliefs, good or bad. When you get a pleasant experience out of it, it starts opening your doors to possibilities and you think you would like to see more of it. However, in this case it would possibly only open a slight bit, like a door cracked enough to let in the light. It takes a bit of courage and initiative to step forward and open it completely to see what's beyond...

I'm sorry for your pain and struggle, and hope you can find the group here very supportive and willing to help.

MorningTwilight 09-12-2011 04:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prenominalpolyamorist (Post 101786)
ok, I did state that I am not currently a lesbian or bi-sexual. I say that because I have never experienced an act other than a threesome with a male and another female. I liked it alot but wasn't sure if it meant I am actually bi...I find both sexes very attractive and am not afraid of opening new doors. I just haven't really touched that area of my life. I have been pushed by family to believe its not suppose to be that way...but I am ready for new beginnings and actually interested in both male and female...does that make sense?

Don't worry about what your family thinks. They aren't living your life--YOU are.

You sound at the very least bi-curious. Don't repress that because of what your family tells you you "should" think. Screw that! Go out and explore, but do be careful--women can get STDs from each other as well as from men, so testing, dental dams, gloves, condoms on toys, etc., should be de rigeur unless and until you know and trust someone enough to be fluid-bonded.

Enjoy this new phase of your life, and to quote a very great man's first wife, "So what do YOU care what other people think?"

MT

P.S. The book that goes with that quote is an excellent read.


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