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-   -   I used to giggle... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14318)

DancingNancy 09-07-2011 06:01 PM

I used to giggle...
I have two friends that practice poly, but it is far more defined as "open relationship" as they have their own separate lovers, and only occasionally mix for fun. They've been together for five years, and have a great relationship, so with my cursed past in love, I never had a critical word to say. They obviously had insight I lacked, in many relationship areas.

I participated in about five minutes of a random threesome years ago. She put my face in her twat, I tried, I did NOT like it, and I left the two to have their night with each other. I'm still friends with the girl, but we have never addressed it since, other than Thanks for helping realize that I soooo don't like vagina.

So I'm in the middle of a divorce. I've slept with one guy friend several times. But there is no relationship. Before him, it had been eight months for me! And damn if he isn't amazing in bed. Basically, we get drunk and have sex. That's our whole thing. We do it sober sometimes, that's not it, but generally we are only together when we both have a night to party. ...my therapist says that I seek put men who will take advantage of me. Um, he is a genius, according to my past roster. A damn genius. Right on the money. Every single man I've been with has used me for money, a place to live, and sex. And I allow it... And welcome it! My husband was even abusive... aND cheated. What the He'll, right?

Don't feel sympathetic. I've grown. I'm done with that. In fact, I've sworn off allowing it. I am only entertaining the notion of dating those with similar accomplishments, goals, intelligence, and the ability to contribute physically, emotionally, and equally financially to a relationship. Kinda made me a prude, but a prude that's not getting taken advantage of, am I right?

So... I'm out with my drinking-awesome-sex friend... And I meet this guy. He sort of seeks me out, almost waits on me. He is attractive, though I'm not drooling over him, and we have core things in common. We go out to the car to talk before my friend was ready to leave. He's telling me I'm beautiful, and my Miller Lite fades just enough to remember, "wait, you said you had a girlfriend..." at which point he tells me that she'd like me even more. WHOA. Please recall my one and only experimentation, and tell me WHY I keep talking to him. We exchange numbers, and I take my friend home.

So then his gf texts me in the morning. I hear you think my man is cute. Whaaaat... Did I hit on someone's bf? Feeling quite open to the possibility of JUST getting to know them, she and I go shopping and hang out that day. Immediately I think she's beautiful, sexy, smart... She leaves to run errands and I know I want to kiss her when she comes back. That evening, for maybe thirty minutes, we lay naked and kissing. I was in lala land.

The texts continue, they get dirtier and sexier. He's texting me too. They want a threesome. Long story short, we've known each other for six days, had two threesomes, and the one short time with just me and her. It was good. I can't deny that.

But now I'm falling for her. I'm pretty sure it's mutual. But, I feel like I'm beating my head trying to figure out what they really want. They say... They care about e, want to be there for me, want to show me how they feel, they want me. But I want her. I mean, I like him. He's cute and fun, and we all three have everything in common. They both want me to want BOTH of them. I can't do it yet. I almost have to block him out to be sexually... Dirty. I feel that I could fall for both, biut remember it's been a week. Holy hell, it's been a week. He says slow down, let your endorphins subside, and your thoughts will organize. He's actually really f-ing insightful. AND AND AND, they've been together four years, and I'm their first addition ever. I think he's been with several girls. I'm now the third person he's slept with. Ahhhh...

But I don't wanna slow down. What I want is time alone with her to explore these notions, sexually and not. I'm blown away by how much this triad idea makes me excited... Happy... But it's all so new and unknown and a little scary. Okay, a lot scary.

NeonKaos 09-07-2011 06:24 PM

I'm sorry, i'm fixated on the "put my face in her twat" part.

That just sounds really impolite.

Exactly how does one "put" someone else's face "into" one's twat. I might want to try it some day. Should i say "please put your face into my twat" or should i grab them by the ears and just you know, let them figure out what i mean?

And no, i'm not being a jerk on purpose but i guess it will look that way to some folks.

SourGirl 09-07-2011 06:35 PM

Welcome to the forum.

Congrats on learning that liking one female, doesn`t mean you are going to like all pussies ;)
Vice-versa : Disliking one , doesn`t mean you will dislike all.

I like your writing style, it was fun to read. As far as the actual meat-of-the-matter, whenever I see these quick-moving scenarios, I always wonder HOW does anyone know they care about someone, and want the best for them,..in a week`s time ?

In my world, 'care' and knowing I have someone else`s best interest, takes time to develop. It is a process, and it is cultivated through experiences.

Until then, it is 'interest', and 'politeness', maybe lust, and consideration.

So,..I would be careful if I were you. 'key phrases' tend to get used, when people are thinking with parts below the belt.

So enjoy the fun,..there is nothing wrong with dreaming and having fun, and feeling lusty. If it develops into more over time, great. :)

Anneintherain 09-07-2011 06:41 PM


Side note - just because your friends you spoke of date separately doesn't make it an open relationship instead of poly, I am definitely poly but I don't date people my husband does, or have group experiences of any sort (just incase you are saying that was what made them open instead of poly).

I think you need to have a talk with them or him, and explain you have no idea if you want to date both of them long term even if you're enjoying the sex. Explain what you think you are or aren't looking for, so you don't get caught up into thinking you need to be a triad, then having it fall apart if a few months down the road you find you've fallen in love with her but not him and you are resenting being with him when you really just want to be with her. Better to be upfront with the best and worse case scenarios sooner than later I think.

Now I fell in love with my first husband after three days so I know it can happen fast, but just because you're falling in love doesn't mean you need to worry so much about how everything is going to fit together this week!

redpepper 09-07-2011 06:42 PM

Holy NRE!

Well you could play this one of two ways; slow down and pace yourself, not putting all your eggs in one basket and letting it all build into what it could be or letting it all go, realizing that it will likely be temporary if you do and completely immersing yourself into the experience. Either is valid, they might yield different results however. Above all, stay considerate of their relationship, respect your self and them, be honest yet caring in your communication and be open to what ever comes out of it, regardless of it being a triad, a vee or simply a fun play time in your life. There is lots to learn from this if you choose.

DancingNancy 09-07-2011 07:54 PM

1. Sorry if you found one or two words to be impolite. Not my intent.

2. I think it's been honest, and honesty has been a huge thing we've talked about in depth. Finding the strength to say what I want has made me feel vulnerable... Which is always a nerve wracking feeling for me.

3. My friends who practice Poly actually label themselves as polyamorous, so I'll go ahead, with their example, and let them keep that label. :)

More in a minute ...

nycindie 09-07-2011 08:23 PM


Originally Posted by DancingNancy (Post 101088)
I have two friends that practice poly, but it is far more defined as "open relationship" as they have their own separate lovers, and only occasionally mix for fun.

One need not participate in group sex to be poly. A vee, for example, is when one person has two lovers or partners who are neither romantically nor sexually involved with each other, but only with the "hinge" of the vee. It's okay for poly peeps to have lovers who don't even know each other. The things that make polyamory stand out from being open, swinging, or cheating is love and complete honesty. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple loving relationships, with full knowledge and consent of all involved. But people involved in poly relationships can also be "open" and have casual sex with others. It just depends on the agreements made.

DancingNancy 09-07-2011 09:02 PM

Hence my correction. :D

DancingNancy 09-07-2011 09:05 PM

I'm trying really really hard not to label things. A part of me wants to dream of the future and what I want in said future, but a part of me says to just see where it goes and be open to the possibilities.

A part of me is so happy there's other people out there to provide insight, support, and wisdom, but the other part wants it to be what it is, purely, without labels.

Stomach in knots. She's so pretty...

NeonKaos 09-07-2011 10:13 PM


Originally Posted by DancingNancy (Post 101127)
1. Sorry if you found one or two words to be impolite. Not my intent.

Oh for christ sakes.

I said that shoving someone's face into one's pussy was impolite. I didn't say YOUR WORDS were impolite.

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