||09-08-2011 01:53 AM
Originally Posted by nycindie
Hi, for some clarity ~ is the married man you're seeing poly? In other words, does his spouse have full knowledge of and consents to his involvement with you?
Also, what is it about this relationship, exactly, that is making you lose sleep? Do you want to see him more often? Are you confused about your feelings? Do you feel like this relationship is conflicting or affecting your long-term (now long-distance) relationship unexpectedly? Is there some drama you have to deal with?
We just need a little more information to be helpful, is all.
Hey all, thanks for the responses. Here's more info. The man I am seeing is poly and his wife knows he is seeing me, though she and I have never met. She also sees people. They've been together 9 years, married the last 2, and poly since January. He is 29.
Why have I been losing sleep? I think because I can't stop thinking about him, and then I get concerned about how strong the feelings are since I am new to the "open" thing, and in the past such feelings might lead to a serious monogamous relationship. In this case, I am confused about where they can or will lead. I did go out with him last night and asked him what he was looking for in his poly relationships, and he said he'd rather see someone regularly then see many people all the time. That made me feel a little better, since I want to see him regularly. But I suppose then I worry I would become too attached and that he wouldn't be able to provide what I need since he's married.
About my primary relationship--because my boyfriend lives in another state I don't get the support of someone physically present, therefore I feel more available than I might if we were in the same place. And maybe also I am confused about the boundaries of what I am looking for, like, how about falling in love? This new guy is not affecting my relationship--it's the same, I think.
Also, another concern is -- what if new guy only wants sex? That's not all I'm looking for. I am concerned I'd be emotionally involved and he'd only be sexually involved, then I'd get hurt.