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MichelleZed 08-28-2011 06:46 PM

Thanks for being here

I am a woman in her late 20's and I've been with my husband for 8 years, married for two. We have an open, not polyamorous relationship... or at least, that's what we've been calling it so far.

But the thing is, lately it feels like we've been veering in a poly direction, maybe, and I just want to come and hang out here for awhile and read some threads and just... do some thinking.

While my husband only has a very occasional one-night stand with a girl, and is happy with that, it's become different for me. I had one-time sex with a guy 7 months ago that turned out not to be one-time at all. We keep coming back to each other. I have to admit that, by now, there are strong feelings involved and I just have no idea where this is going. It's all kind of stressful, overwhelming, and undefined.

I am 5 months pregnant now with my husband's and my first child, a son. It's a very exciting but scary time. My sometime-lover hasn't minded my pregnancy and we still get together to have sex every once in while. We've been in and out of town all summer so we haven't gotten together much, but when we do, it's such a joy to me.

I don't even know if things will continue with this new guy. He's single right now, but actively looking for a serious girlfriend, maybe someone who he can marry and have kids with. I was just supposed to be something fun, a way for him to pass the time while he was single, but something that could end anytime when someone better came along. I was fine with that, because he was just supposed to be something fun for me, too. But he isn't anymore, because somewhere along the way I sort of fell in love.

The thought of him getting together with someone else makes me feel sick, because it would all just be cut off suddenly, like what we had for 7 months was nothing and didn't even count. I wouldn't be able to kiss him again, smell his smell, just like that, because of a new girl. I'd be so happy that he found love, but at the same time, I would feel like I'd had a break-up. But there was never anything official between us to break up.

New guy is out of town right now, having a holiday with a girl who he's interested in. We've talked every day for months, but I haven't heard from him in days. I guess his trip is going well.

It's possible that I've just joined this forum at the point where things with this other guy are ending. I guess I needed to write to some people who'd understand the grief I'm feeling. I only have a few friends who know about this, and they just don't get why I'd feel so heart-broken over "losing" this guy when I still have my husband.

Anyway, I've learned that it's possible to be in love with two people at once. My feelings for this guy haven't affected my strong, loving bond with my husband. I guess I'm poly, and it just hasn't every come up before.

So. Hi.

MichelleZed 08-28-2011 09:44 PM

And sorry. I can see now from reading some other threads that this might fit better in the "New to Polyamory" section. This is less of a "Hi, how are you guys?" post and more of a tl;dr description of my situation.

Mods, feel free to move it if I put it in the wrong section, with my apologies for being such a n00b.

AnnabelMore 08-29-2011 02:08 PM

Hey Michelle,

I hope you talk to guy-on-the-side about your feelings at least once before things split up. Maybe he cares for you too but doesn't consider something ongoing a possibility. I know that the idea is probably hard and scary. You could always just say something like "I hope you find someone who can give you all the things you want. The truth is, though, that I care about you a great deal and I know it'll hurt when we're not seeing each other any more. I've done some reading and it's possible to maintain multiple relationships ethically, but I don't know if you'd consider that a possibility, if you found a girl who was open to you having someone on the side, the way my husband is open to me being with you. I don't expected anything, but would you be interested in reading an article or two if I sent them to you?"

And yeah, if you want more feedback, definitely start a thread in the new to poly section. Good luck!

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