Hello from SF Bay Area
I'm opo0606, new to the community, 24/F. Last week if someone had asked my orientation I would have said perhaps bicurious, or monogamously inclined. For the past two years have been in a monogamous heterosexual LDR. We agreed to be single last month and have both started meeting new people and having exciting adventures. A dramatic shift from jealousy to compersion is happening for me and also seems to be happening for my boyfriend. We are "broken up" but our relationship feels stronger than ever and he is coming to visit me next week. He knows everything I am about to write here for you.
My snowboarding buddy "Ken" has had a crush on me since before I remember meeting him. I've never felt attracted to him, and as a young and cute girl I often swat older men with lustful stares away with a laugh. This man did not stand out in any way to me other than being especially thoughtful and kind, with an especially lustful stare.
Last weekend I went camping with a group of friends and Ken and his girlfriend "Barbie" were present. I had never met Barbie before and I just thought she and Ken were the cutest couple ever, totally fit for each other with matching style and complimentary personalities. When they weren't around I thought about them, wanted to get to know her better. Ken gave me a massage and it made me a bit uncomfortable because he got a boner so I ran off. I was uncomfortable because I did not know his relationship status with Barbie.
Eventually, we all wound up laying in Ken's van on a comfortable sleep pad in a cuddle puddle. Ken was feeling me up and I quite liked it but felt compelled to call out, "Hey Barbie, are you guys in an open relationship? Because Ken is totally feeling up my ass right now."
Things progressed from there, and Barbie gave us permission to have sex but Ken refused because Barbie was wasted when she said that. We were all completely plastered. Ken and I were worked up and steamrolled Barbie with sexual pressure. I sensed she was not as hot and Ken and I, so I excused myself and we had normal interactions for the rest of the weekend.
Ken has called me every day, and Barbie and have also talked every day. It has been an emotional roller coaster.
At first, all I could think about was Ken and sex. Going from no attraction to thinking of nothing but sex with him after one night of making out in the woods felt insane.
Then I talked to Barbie. We talk at length on the phone and now she has become my spiritual muse, guiding me towards personal growth through our enlightening and frank discussions about romance, family, us, and everything. I am being forced to learn tact because of our different communication styles.
I want nothing more than to put her in my dresses and cuddle with her, kiss her and pet her hair. She is beautiful, strong, wise, angry, grounded. We are both capricorns born 2 days and 10 years apart (she is elder). The speed things have progressed is ridiculous. Today is Friday and we met last Saturday. We have cried, the two have fought, and the two tell me about nights spent making love and talking about ME. They send me romantic messages.
I want Ken to dominate us. I talk to Ken about this, and he talks to Barbie about this and she tells me how silly it is that Ken suddenly wants to be sexually adventurous in this way he has never been before. She feels threatened that there is a chance Ken could fall in love with me and want to run away. He asked me if "theoretically" he were to come over after work, without Barbie, just to see me, would I be receptive. I told him anything we did together that hurt Barbie would make me hate myself and hate him. He has alluded to things like this twice and I have shot him down. Am I in denial that his libido is manageable and not to be taken seriously? How should I address this?
Right now Barbie and I have agreed to build a friendship with each other and set aside the sexual pressure Ken boils up. We had a very difficult day because Barbie blew up - she had not confessed her fears, insecurities and doubts and we pressured her. She said some hurtful things that I have forgotten. We talked it out. Now it feels stronger. She says she doesn't want to say no to this and wants to get to know me better. I have had to tell Ken to put a bag of ice in his pants to relieve the pressure so she and I can build a friendship.
Part of me is afraid this adventure will cause me to lose my boyfriend and my new couple if I'm not careful. My boyfriend/exboyfriend is concerned that I may be putting him at risk for STDs and that's justified. Ken has a risky roving cock.
Things are up in the air - will it happen? Will it not? Either way, I am feeling blessed for this experience to grow in my primary relationship. Barbie and Ken tell me that I am the best thing that's happened to their sex life in years. My frankness has opened up their communication about sex. They are not in an open relationship but Ken's roving cock has forced the topic up lately. It seems like we are walking a path toward polygyny and perhaps a scenario where Ken's cock is satisfied and Barbie doesn't feel threatened and I'm a total sex kitten with a sexy girlfriend to play dress up with. That would be amazing.
Advice, criticism, questions - all is welcome and I am happy to make your acquaintance.
Well that's a lot of information, and if your looking for advice it might be better to post it again in the new to poly section. A lot of the more experienced members are really good at picking long posts like this apart and will have some very good and detailed advice for you.
All I can say is, good job for standing up for yourself, knowing your boundaries and communicating them. You're a natural!
I wouldn't make any big desicions just now, while you're caught up in the excitement and newness of everything. Keep the direct lines of honest and respectful communication open with everyone. Make sure Keneth plays safe. And I think you are going to be just fine.
Thanks for the encouragement! I also re-posted in new poly.
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