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-   -   Poly Women Respond (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13368)

River 08-12-2011 04:22 PM

Poly Women Respond
One of my bestest friends (I'll call him Sean, though it's not his real name) told me last night that women just aren't well suited for polyamory, that it goes against a woman's basic nature when there is sexual/romantic involvement. He said he thinks women are just biologically driven to be possessive and desire exclusivity in love.

What, dear women friends, would you say to Sean? (I'll point this thread out to him at some point and he can read it.)


Although us guys may be tempted to discuss the posts in this thread, I want to very strongly discourage men from participating in this thread at all, myself included. If need be, we can start a thread in which men and women both can discuss this thread.

And let me thank all of the women in advance for their comments. Much appreciated.

nycindie 08-12-2011 04:38 PM

That's such an odd view and obviously panders to an old stereotype. I have read in so many places that it has been, more often than not, the woman in a relationship that wants to open it up to poly. And in my own life, I have found men to be so much more "puritanical" in their attitudes about sex than women are. Time and time again, I have experienced that the guys are always the ones to get hung up on the fact that sex took place and that, apparently, means something about exclusivity. I cannot begin to tell you how many past relationships I had that started out as "casual" and as soon as we had sex, the guy broke up with me and got engaged with the next woman he met. Meanwhile, the women I've known talk easily about sex with each other, and tend to be more open-minded about relationships and sex. I suspect that your friend's notion comes out of the old madonna/whore perspective on women. If a woman has good potential as a mate in a relationship, she's not expected to be sexual or wanting others. That's hogwash, of course. Furthermore, if a woman is "biologically driven," ie., toward baby-making, then it would stand to reason she'd want as many partners as possible for the best chances of producing offspring. But there are plenty of women, like myself, who have never had the urge to be a mother -- but we sure as hell want sex and love! Maybe we're the ones that guys get most fucked-up about trying to understand.

NeonKaos 08-12-2011 05:00 PM


Originally Posted by River (Post 97002)

What, dear women friends, would you say to Sean? (I'll point this thread out to him at some point and he can read it.)

Tell Sean first I said, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOLOLULZ"

Then tell him I would like to examine the data he gathered during this study and how he used it to arrive at this "conclusion".

Then tell him I said "BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! LOLOLULZ".

Then tell him to look at the YouTube videos of me 20 years ago. (irrelevant to the topic but quite a blast from the past if I do say so myself.)

Nacirema 08-12-2011 06:10 PM

Interesting he would think that, as in my experience, it's usually men who can't keep things organized. Makes you think that maybe, just maybe, each person is their own person.

rory 08-12-2011 07:10 PM


Originally Posted by NeonKaos (Post 97007)
Tell Sean first I said, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOLOLULZ"

Second this.

his1911 08-12-2011 07:16 PM

I told my wife about this ( she's poly but not currently interested in dating anyone else too much other stuff going on ) She only rolled her eyes laughed and said "what a moron"

TruckerPete 08-12-2011 07:19 PM

I would tell him that it seems he has bad taste in women.

openbj 08-12-2011 07:23 PM

Well, think of it this way: If a woman has more than one child, people don't question whether she loves each of them wholly and completely. So, why is it questioned that she would also have the ability and heart to love more than one man wholly and completely?

redpepper 08-12-2011 07:54 PM

Ya, HA!,... Well, he doesn't know women if he thinks he can generalize; excuse me, he doesn't know people. I think he should take up the riveting hobby of involving himself with people other than he is used to, really be a fly on the wall and see if he still agrees.

redpepper 08-12-2011 07:56 PM


Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 97032)
be a fly on the wall and see if he still agrees.

he can start at my house.

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