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-   -   I miss my family (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12987)

WrongWay 08-03-2011 09:19 PM

I miss my family
I moved in with my GF a week ago. I am still married and have two kids who are grown but still live at home with my wife. I miss them, I miss my wife, I miss them desperately. It's only been a week and I want to run back. More than that I am wanted back, by them and my wife. Now my GF is a sweetheart, she is amazing and would be the ideal woman for me, if it was not for the fact that I have spent every waking moment thinking about my wife and kids and missing them.

I came home to see them today and I did not want to leave.

Me and my GF have been seeing each other for a year, it started as an affair, she was with someone else as well. She split with her partner over other issues, I remained living at home up until a week ago.

I have made a huge mistake, my relationship with my GF would be perfect at the moment, if I were actually present in it and not thinking about my "real home" with my family.

I have the opportunity to get my wife and kids back, all I need to do is say the word. I also feel like I am robbing my GF of the opportunity to find someone who will be more emotionally present with her, she will be an amazing catch and wife someday for someone who is deserving and appreciative of her.

Bottom line is that I need to man up and tell her how I feel, but every time I look at her she just seems so ecstatic and happy that I am finally there living with her, I just can't get the words out.

This is a difficult situation of my own causing, I am the only one to blame, I know that, I have learned my lesson and will never let this happen again, but if anyone has any advice on how to proceed I could really use it.

nycindie 08-03-2011 09:35 PM

Just tell the truth, man.

Minxxa 08-04-2011 07:09 PM


Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 95593)
Just tell the truth, man.

Ditto. It will come out anyway, in your actions if nowhere else. Sure it might hurt, but it will hurt less than if it happens later and she realizes you didn't want to be there the whole time.

SNeacail 08-04-2011 07:19 PM


Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 95593)
Just tell the truth, man.


Can you come up with a better compromise. Some people do 2-3 days with the OSO and the rest of the week with the family.

dingedheart 08-05-2011 02:13 PM

What was the thinking behind the move? How much thought went into this decision. How did the family respond to your decision to move out? Whats was your relationship with your wife like before the move and what is it like now? Does your wife have other partners?

nicothoe 08-05-2011 02:52 PM

Only the truth works. Questions...

How long has the wife known about the girlfriend, and is this something she is okay with? Would moving back home with the wife signal an end to the relationship with the girlfriend?

WrongWay 08-05-2011 07:03 PM

Thank you for all your responses, she has known for a few months and yes the move would very likely end the relationship with the GF. At this point I feel ending it is what is best for me anyway. I will miss her terribly of course, but I just know it will be devastating for her, she has made me aware of that.

I came close to ending it last night, we had lots of tears shed as we discussed what was wrong and what was right. But then lust took over and we ended up tearing each other clothes off and leaving a trail of them to the bedroom.

This morning we were in limbo again, both heading to work, not saying anything about the situation.

nicothoe 08-05-2011 07:07 PM

Would the relationship end because the wife demands it, because the girlfriend wants you for herself, or because you feel you have to make a choice?

SourGirl 08-05-2011 08:21 PM

Rip the band-aid.

It might be 'devastating' for her,.. ( She made sure you knew that ? Hmmmm.)...but at least then, you are being honest. Nothing worse then being secretive and lying about your true feelings. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets.

Oh, and prepare for her to be pissed-off that you fucked her, knowing you were going to leave her. Lust took over for you, I am guessing she was expressing love to be with you. Bonding.

I know its hard, but you need to man up.

Carma 08-05-2011 08:50 PM

WW, it sounds like you are trying to be as gentle and loving (and honest) as you can. Admirable. Follow your gut. I'm thinking of the lyrics to a song recorded years ago by John Denver and Placido Domingo, called "Perhaps Love":

... and some say love is holding on, and some say letting go....

And another song by Marie Digby, called "There's a Beauty in Walking Away."

Truth is going to have to trump happiness this time, I think. Short term -- oh, the heartache! But long term -- it's for the best.

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