I work with my lover
My current relationship for the past 6+years is a V = M-F-M me being the hinge and neither of my boys are poly, so things get tough emotionally sometimes...but so far we have made it work, and I love them both!
Warning...This is a long post...but I do have a purpose to get people talking about working with your lover...
Here is my history with such things...
I have been with the same employer for 9+yrs where I met my lover. We have been working in the same deptartment within this company for all these years.
When we first started dating people talked a quite a bit. I guess the NRE might have been showing... but as the years went by that chatter has died down and we have become just a normal everyday part of the wood work to most...or so I thought...
Just a bit more info...we work together, and though people might think it is obvious that we are a "couple", we are not open in work about our relationship and if questioned we deny it. Well... actually I have taken to telling people that are bold enough to ask the he comes over on the weekends for 3 way with me and hubby, but before we get it on the boys oil each other up and paint each others toes...not that there is anything wrong with that if it was happening...but if you knew these boys...well when I say it with a stright face makes people stop in their tracks...
My lover has shared an apartment with 3 guys we have worked with so obviously some folks knew...all 3 have dated within our work, and 2 of 3 are now working elsewhere, but still in touch with people from our place. So I am sure someone has told someone else the truth about us...
5 years ago I moved into a differnt dept a sub branch off the one we are in now, he did not move and I thought all the chatter was over...I have since moved back and now working in his team. I have been back almost 1 year and asked a few times by out management team what our deal is.
So I guess people are not done talking...:(
We are professional at work neither of us have gotten anything less that high key preformance reviews (new> low> low key> key> high key> exceptional) I have even pulled of the rare exceptional a few years in a row.
SO WHY DOES IT MATTER?!?
So now to my question... has any of you had a successful relationship with a co-worker? Or maybe not so successfull...tell me about your ups and your downs and what you did to make it work or how / why you felt if couldn't...
I am not worried about my relationship, as it has been on going for years, and its not work that is getting in our way as a couple...maybe someday it will have run its course but we love each other now... I just forgot how annoyed I get with nosey people, and I need to keep my cool and not tell someone off for being so nosey...I say, if your not in my circle of friends and you do not wish to be, then back off and mind your own business!
I was really hoping to get some insight on others experiences with co-workers as part of your poly life.
Like for me sometimes I think my hubby is jelous because I spend 5 days a week with my lover not sure what he thinks is going on while we work but...
And when my lover and I have a "disagreement" we are there in each others face all day no way to get away and that is no place to "talk about it".
Same as when Hubby and I have issues my other is there for me to vent to...rather than some girl I have befriended at the office...although I try not to involve my BF when hubby and I are fighting, its not fair...
Well you would think it would die down but in all this time it hasnt... Well it probably wont ever. I can honestly say I wouldnt want to work with hubs or any bf I might have. Some people Im sure wouldnt have a problem with it. But then again everyones situation is different.
Sorry Im not much help there...
I think no one is responding because your relationships sound successful, so who are we to tell you to change what ain't broke?
The only issue seems to be the coworkers, which has nothing to do with the relationships.
I wonder if the interest is sticking around because your story is not consistent? (You mention some people knowing the truth, others not, and still others getting comical untruths). If you have the ability to be out at work, (ie without the threat of losing your job) I would recommend giving that a try. Then everyone gets the same story and they will (eventually, once the novelty wears off) move on to the next "scandal".
If questions get too personal, feel free to remind people that you don't ask for a play by play of their sex/dating lives. :)
Is there are a policy against being together with in the company?
Karma and I have worked together at several places. We were always upfront that we were dating and at one place we were equals so no one really cared, at another we were put in diferent departments and at another because I was a manager, different stores.
People like to talk. And no matter how try to hide it or deny it, when people are together, especialy for a period of time, it's almost impossible to hide from people who are watching. Maybe it's still being talked about because no one believes the denials.
If it's a matter of keeping your job, then do what you have to do. If it isn't and you just don't want to bring it to work, then do what you are doing and ignore the talk.
Anytime there is a large group of people, there will always be speculation and stories.
We don't work together now, but in the foam weapons fighting group we are involved with, there's about 300 ppl. Some know our history, some don't care, and some just go off the rumor mill. Karma had a history of cheating but that is in the past. We are currently dealing with people assuming he is cheating again with his new girlfriend. They have no idea what the truth is and by now I wouldn't be surprised if they decided he has a haram going on. But whatever, if they wanna talk, I'm glad we are interesting enough to provide such entertainment for them.
Being out at work or really anywhere outside our close circle of friends is a no go. More so due to my Husbands job, and position he holds.
It would be more detrimental to him.
Or, accept all this as the price of admission and put the effort that you would have to put into being very closeted instead into ignoring folks and carrying on with life.
ok so to everyone who has participated in this convo Thank You!
To those who proceded in giving me advise...thanks I guess, although as I said I was just looking to get people talking telling about ups and downs good and bad...evoking conversations sharing stories...
I guess in my story I did ask a retorical question "SO WHY DOES IT MATTER?!?"
But again I am always open to others thoughts, feelings, judgements...I don't necessarily agree...but will always listen and take into consideration.
At work, I am a pretty private person. I don't talk about what I do outside of work hours, and nobody has a clue about the other women in my life. That's just the way I am.
Yet, I am extremely open. We are open to our friends, our family, our kids. On Facebook, I'm "in a open relationship" with my wife, and have link to my girlfriend's profile under the label "My lover". *grin* I really have no fear of any repercussions.
I suppose I have always treated the work environment differently than the rest if my life. I don't get to choose the people I work with, so I don't feel the need to associate with them in my own time.
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