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mellsey 03-23-2009 07:27 PM

New to this
I am a wife of 18 years and recently have met a couple who we (my husband and I) connected with immediatley. He with her and me with him. The connection is amazing. We have grown together and been through so much in the past few months that we all thought we were alone. After researching on the internet we are finding out that the feelings we have for one another are shared with many others, and that is great, Our relationship started out as just sexual, experimental to respark the romance in the marriages. Well things went a lot deeper than that and emotions became apparent in us all. After long drawn out communications between us all it was obvious that this was what we all wanted and was all on the same playing field. I am truely in love with my husband, but also in love with my partner. It is amazing. I am happy to have a forum like this one to get information, and also express any ideas we have come across to others who have questions. This is great.

BillFriend 03-23-2009 08:15 PM

Women's Perspective - Questions
Hi Mellesy;
I 2 am new at this, early 50s Guy, old fashioned, long separated, straight, very gay tolerant (my best friend is Gay guy in 20 yr monog. relationship), did research - found out there even is such a thing as Poly.
My questions from women's perspective:
I wonder how does a serious, curious man avoid being thought of as just another "creepy, misogynistic, drooling, voyeristic creep", trolling for a sexual 3-some, when exploring a possible serious relationship fit?
Since I am straight, I would explore a 2 woman - one man relationship, like yours. I am interested in your thoughts of how a relationship might develop &/or be perceived from the women's perspective.

In past, at a week's business conference, I met a very interesting sharp & quite attractive ("tomboy" not "butch") lady, whom I knew was gay, but would have been attracted to as a neat friend. She was a humerous, super-fit, professional career woman, who liked outdoors, boats, target shooting, woodwork, vintage cars & was a more skilled fisherman than me (which I wanted to learn). After friendship & trust developed through some semi-business afterhours get togethers, she allowed she was gay & showed me photos of her beautiful partner. I wondered how one would approach, but did not act on my thoughts, becuase of my relationship at the time, the business relationship & our geographical home distances. I still fantisize how that would have worked. A lady Pal & a lady Lover - all three as close caring friends.

If one female partner is bi-sexual, I assume the dynamics of the poly would have played out as a hetrosexual, lesbian & asexual friendship.(I was also somewhat physically attracted to the lesbian gal, but expect that would likely turn her off, so could live with just a pal there.
Wow crazy eh? Thank god for net anonymity.

What do you think?

mellsey 03-23-2009 08:21 PM

Bill, first off it is more emotional than sexual and is felt by all parties. Being opened and honest with whom ever you are with is the key factor. The relationship with my husband and I's other couple started out as friends and has grown to be a wonderful relationship between us all. Hang in there

AutumnalTone 03-28-2009 03:55 PM

Welcome to the boards!

So you tried a bit of swinging and it turned into poly? Cool!

I've wondered if my wife and I could ever find another couple that we could get involved with like that. I think it's about as likely--or unlikely--as finding a bi woman we both could get involved with, so I don't think it's going to happen. I enjoy hearing about that sort of connection, though.

BillFriend 03-28-2009 09:05 PM

7th Crow - I haven't actually had the poly experience, just one circumstance that really made me think of the possibility because both ladies were so great.
Mellissey - I always did understand that it was more mental than physical - actually I think most good relationships become that, after the inital heat & excitement cools. Imagine the intrigue, my executive buddies would be turning themsleves inside out over if they saw me with one lady on over business, one as a date, then all of us, say traveling on the boat & hanging out over a week-end?? All the 3-way sexual inuendo would be there in their minds,of course,but they'd never figure out the real friendship relationship.

mellsey 03-30-2009 12:38 PM

I never thought it would happen to us. It did start out as swinging, but even before things got started it got started. It has pretty much been like the old saying "right place, right time, with the right people". Don't give up...

AutumnalTone 03-30-2009 10:18 PM

That's how it pretty much starts for most folk, isn't it? You find somebody you think wonderful and then find somebody else you also think wonderful--and wonder why you can't get involved with both of them.

And, yeah, the keys to working poly relationships involve many of the things essential to working all relationships.

How do you think coming out as poly would go over in the business world? You mention being an executive, so I wonder how socially acceptable poly would be in business circles. Heck, the reaction of employers is something to be wary of lower on the totem pole, so I have to wonder if it wouldn't be as troublesome an issue higher up in the ranks.

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