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-   -   Limerence Vs NRE (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1274)

lola 11-23-2009 03:59 PM

Limerence Vs NRE
 
Given the conversation around the word "limerence" that is new to me, I figured I should educate myself on the term and how it applies.

From my reading, limerence would exist before a relationship is established, while NRE would exist once the situation moves into a relationship, that being the two people are involved, not just the one.

How does this jive with others' interpretations? Limerence is sort of a solo sport? While NRE requires another player?

Ceoli 11-23-2009 04:11 PM

That's pretty close! I see limerance as a description of the feelings inside one's self when one is crushing on someone else. While it is about an individual's feelings it doesn't always have to be experienced without a relationship. Limerance can exist with or without an actual relationship between the person and the object of the crush. I think it can sometimes be a source of fuel for NRE. But NRE itself does require another person to be in a relationship with, while limerance is really about the feelings inside the individual.

GroundedSpirit 11-23-2009 04:17 PM

maybe academic
 
Hi Lola,

My personal feelings are that a discussion like this might be largely academic and although it would be beneficial for those so inclined - maybe everyone to a degree - we might ask "What's the REAL importance of the underlying issue?"
Although familiar with the term from years back I have personally drifted to using the term "infatuation" in these type of discussions. I think it's a term that's more widely used and understood and it technically bridges both the others (I feel).
If you think about it - the root of the discussion when this usually appears is around the difference between the early feelings of connection vs the feelings that have.......settled in (?) after a relationship has matured to some degree.
Those feelings are often very different (like anything that's matured- wine or people). The time period this takes is subject to wide variability and subject to a wide range of factors.
And to me - that's where the "meat" of the discussion and learning lie - maybe rather the the technical definition of terminology.

Make any sense ?

lola 11-23-2009 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceoli (Post 12756)
That's pretty close! I see limerance as a description of the feelings inside one's self when one is crushing on someone else. While it is about an individual's feelings it doesn't always have to be experienced without a relationship. Limerance can exist with or without an actual relationship between the person and the object of the crush. I think it can sometimes be a source of fuel for NRE. But NRE itself does require another person to be in a relationship with, while limerance is really about the feelings inside the individual.

Thanks, Ceoli. And thanks for the spelling. I did the search and it wanted to use the e rather than the a. :D

lola 11-23-2009 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit (Post 12758)
Hi Lola,

And to me - that's where the "meat" of the discussion and learning lie - maybe rather the the technical definition of terminology.

Make any sense ?

Yes it does, thank you. I would hate to get lost in semantics. If understanding can take place without specific words, I'm right there with you. But I guess since everyone communicates differently, I am just looking to find more ways to do so with more people. ;) But, I'll bet the next time I have this very conversation, I'll forget the word limerance and not know what to say. haha

Too bad we can't just have that flash of understanding with everyone and not have to wade thru all the personal "stuff" that sometimes gets in the way.

For me, since this is all still quite new, I see SOOOO many communication styles. Personalities surely play a part, some people are more analytical and others more emotional. If I can understand someone's style, I can usually find the way to say what I want to say in a way they can understand it. Boy this is hard work. :D


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