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-   -   New to this and needing advice! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12697)

Feanix82 07-27-2011 06:47 PM

New to this and needing advice!
 
About four months ago I met R and was immediately attracted to him. But he was married so I set that aside. But we became friends and very gradually started spending more and more time together. I met his wife, K, and LOVED her. What a great girl (she's younger than R and myself)! We had coffee together, the three of us, and then a few weeks later had dinner.
K seemed to not only be comfortable with our friendship... she seemed to encourage it. And R and I began to spend more and more time together. And then... K suggested that R feel free to expand the boundaries of his relationship with me. They had had a conversation about polyamory before they were married but had never acted on it. K feels strongly that polyamory is healthy for all parties and is interested in forming relationships of her own outside of her marriage.
At first R and I were very uncomfortable with this idea... but a week went by and with K's encouragement we began to seriously talk about dating.
And last night he kissed me.
And today I am both elated and very nervous.
But I want to make this work... for all of us.

K and I are meeting in a few days to have a woman to woman chat.

What should I be sure to talk about with her?

Any advice would help!
Ellie

redpepper 07-27-2011 07:49 PM

You might want to do a tag search for "lessons" "foundations" "boundaries" "secondaries" and read before your chat. The best thing to remember is to have some boundaries that are honest and specific. Just because they are married does not make you a third wheel, so don't act like one. Ytou have the right to be loved, respected, given time to, etc. This is just as real a relationship as if you and he were dating. Make sure you are considerate of their boundaries and request that they both be of yours. Be open in your communication as much as you can and make it as safe as possible for her to be open also.


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