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-   -   An intro, & my situation... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12172)

WabiSabiGirl 07-13-2011 10:55 PM

An intro, & my situation...
Hi everyone. I'm not going to use my name here yet because of my situation, which I will explain in this introductory post. I'm 33 years old, married to a wonderful husband, with a 7 year old girl & 2 year old boy. We homeschool. We've been married 10 years. For that entire time, I have also been in love with my husband's best friend.

My husband and I have felt from the time we met that we are soulmates. Well, I also felt that same instant and unexplainable connection with his best friend when I met him shortly before our wedding. He lives in another city, 7 hours away, and we only visit once or twice a year. The energy between us is almost *palpable* and I find it almost unbearable. He has admitted, years ago, that he is attracted to me, but since then has carefully avoided saying anything "improper". At least, until this last visit when he suddenly flirted with me like mad all week & couldn't keep his eyes off me.

Complicating matters, he has been involved with a single mother for a few years now. They live together but are unmarried. I honestly don't know if the relationship is happy, but I do know his GF is *extremely* and irrationally jealous, to the point where he can't even admire a woman on TV without setting her off.

I don't actually know why I'm writing this, other than to have someone commiserate with me. I doubt any one can give me any constructive help. But I *know* in my deepest heart that last time I saw him, he had some feelings towards me. I even joked to my husband, by way of maybe "planting a seed", that his best friend had seemed like he was waiting for a "bow-chicka-wow-wow" threesome to bust out any minute. That's as close as I've come to saying anything about it.

Right now I feel so down and bummed out and desperate about this situation & my feelings that I really just feel like telling hubby right out, "I love you, and I love (X), and I have for the last 10 years." But at the same time I'm scared of rocking the boat & hurting his feelings. And what good can come of it anyway, since (X) is already involved in an exclusive LTR?

Oh, and complicating this even further, my husband and I got together when I was in an (unhealthy) open marriage with my ex. Finding a man who truly loved & cherished me led to the dissolution of my previous unhappy marriage. Not exactly the history to inspire confidence in my hubby, even though I love him more than anything & am unshakably committed to him & our family.

OK, enough, this is turning into a novella... thanks to those of you who read this far, and thanks also for any replies, constructive or otherwise. (*^_^)

WabiSabiGirl 07-14-2011 06:18 PM

Well, I bit the bullet...
...and now the cat's out of the bag, to mix metaphors. Lastnight I did the stupidest & bravest thing I've ever done & told my husband I've been in love with his best friend for ten years. It went remarkably well. What remains to be seen is how it plays out over the next few days, weeks, months, years...

just3 07-14-2011 07:58 PM

Good luck!

WabiSabiGirl 07-16-2011 02:34 AM


Satisfiction 07-23-2011 12:44 AM

Wow, 10 years of suppressed feelings! That's gotta make you a little tied up inside! Well done for being brave and telling your husband about loving his best friend. How has things been going since?

My feelings for a mutual friend of mine and my hubbie's is what got me talking to hubbie about having more than one relationship. I didn't wait 10 years though! Only like 1 year. My crush has moved to Germany for 3-4 years now, so that option is well off the radar for now.

It will be interesting to see how things pan out for you.

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