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-   -   Victory (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1197)

Rarechild 11-17-2009 03:15 PM

Victory
 
I had a little personal victory yesterday that I'd like to share.

I have a friend that I was going to go see in a few weeks- we met in July while I was on vacation and have shared something very special ever since. We had finally agreed on a plan to re-meet and were both excited and nervous, wondering what would happen and if we would connect again in the physical world as we have online in the interim.

A little while after we agreed on this meeting, I could feel hesitation on his part and I also had my own hesitations, but I didn't want to miss a chance to finally see this beautiful man up close again.

Yesterday he told me the root of his concerns- he is afraid of getting attached and I think the imminent meeting made him really consider what he is looking for, and me being married is really hard for him to wrap his brain around still, although he's certainly tried. He told me pretty clearly that he was really searching for a traditional relationship -settling down, wife, kids- but threw in some self-doubt because I know he wants to see me as much as I do him.

Here comes the victory, which is certainly bittersweet for me but I feel like I did the most loving thing, and that's why I feel good about it. I let him go, let him off the hook, didn't argue, rejected his self-doubt as a means to get my foot in the door and told him I desire his happiness more than anything.

I am a person who has had a past of pushing most things to the absolute limit, going down every avenue until the bitter end, not relenting until all of MY questions are answered, and sometimes hurting people in that process. It felt good to think of him first, to love him by consciously putting aside my desires or any manipulation of his thinking and just letting him know he's great and should be good to himself.

Of course this means no exciting weekend in the big city with my friend just now, which I have been wanting so much, and it might mean that we don't communicate at all anymore, but I left the door open and gave him the best thing I had to give- respect and fairness.

I think I might finally be growing up. :)

Fidelia 11-17-2009 05:26 PM

Oh Rarechild, what a beautiful, loving thing you've done.

How exquisite it is to put your love's best interest before your own.

How bittersweet and how beautiful.

*deep sigh* :o

I hope your friend understands and appreciates the depth of your love and regard for him. I also hope he comes to realize love like that is a rare and precious treasure, worthy of cherishing and nurturing.

Bur whatever he chooses to do, I know you will always be blessed by this choice you've made.

MonoVCPHG 11-17-2009 05:34 PM

Amazing Rarechild...this is great news! I love hearing about people focussing on what is real in relationships. You are a shining example in my books! :D :D

Ceoli 11-17-2009 05:36 PM

Wow. That completely rocks. What an amazing thing to do and be :)

AutumnalTone 11-17-2009 06:06 PM

Bitter is one of the components of taste, in a literal sense, and one of the seasonings of living, in a metaphorical sense. Is there anything more bittersweet than a love one cannot obey?

Congratulations!

ladyjools 11-18-2009 02:22 AM

I am a person who has had a past of pushing most things to the absolute limit, going down every avenue until the bitter end, not relenting until all of MY questions are answered, and sometimes hurting people in that process. It felt good to think of him first, to love him by consciously putting aside my desires or any manipulation of his thinking and just letting him know he's great and should be good to himself.

you sound like me,
you have done something i never can do, becuase so far in my life i have never been able to let things go, i fight on and on long after i should have taken a step back

i think
i hope
i have learned something from reading you're words becasue i know there may come a time when i may need to be able to do the same.

Jools

LovingRadiance 11-18-2009 02:56 AM

Congratulations on showing such fortitude in a moment of great opportunity for love or pain-you chose love.

redpepper 11-18-2009 03:23 AM

You rock Rarechild! Good for you!

I hope that you can at least be god friends :)

ourquad 11-18-2009 03:42 AM

I see why you view this as a victory. And you are correct.

What a loving act that was. Thank you for sharing.

Rarechild 11-18-2009 05:49 AM

**welling up**
 
thanks so much, friends.


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