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-   -   The Painful Choice. Going from affair to poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11739)

johndis 07-02-2011 02:14 PM

The Painful Choice. Going from affair to poly
So where does one begin....
Me and my girlfriend have been in a amazing relationship for going on 3 years now. Best friends live together, her friends love me mine love her etc etc. But after we first meet my girlfriend call her (F) got on the pill and it caused a drastic weight gain. The weight gain didn't bother me at all, I still loved her no matter what. But the weight gain sank her into a deep depression. She didn't want to go out, our sex lives changed. 2 years into our relationship no matter how supportive I tried to be I couldn't bring her out of the depression itself. Without the weightloss she couldn't be happy, And she wasn't willing to do what was needed to fix it. So after two years I began having an affair with (N)
5 months into my relationship with (N) she realised she couldn't be in an affair with me any longer. She didn't demand that I leave my girlfriend but either do what I needed to do to help her or leave her and find my own happiness. So I decided to stay with my current girlfriend. After soul searching the girl I was having the affair with turned me on to the world of Poly and the Book Ethical Slut. (N) while seeing me had interacted with many wonderful poly couples and told me that it is a difficult but wonderful life.
So I pitched this to the current girlfriend and she ate it up. the idea of open love with others gave her the desire to workout again. And I've been with her every step of the way. Since I pitched Poly to the girlfriend 4 months ago she has lost most of the weight brags to all her friends about this amazing world she is about to jump into with her amazing loving boyfriend. SHe is even starting a very healthy relationship with someone she has been very close with for a very long time but supressed it.
So now its coming time where I have to decide if and how to tell the girlfriend the truth of how I came to find this lifestyle. (N) has been an amazing patient lover helping me figure out the difference between me being a cheater and being poly and helping me grow into a real man. In a time where I didn't know how to communicate and help my wonderful girlfriend (N) gave me an answer that seemed to work. (N) wants to help me guide (F) through our confession and hopefully find a way where we can come to an understanding. Anyone else been in something similar? Any advise.

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