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-   -   Things moving very fast (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11735)

kingtone 07-02-2011 11:27 AM

Things moving very fast
Hi all I'm just after some advice.
I've been with my girl for about 4 months and she has been with her husband for almost 9 years. We love each other and really enjoy our time together, but there are times when she clearly wants our relationship to be at the same level of routine, knowing each other, intimacy and interaction as her relationship with her husband as though she is trying to push out relationship and make it jump the normal stages it would take in its natural progression. My question is how do I tell her that I think she trying to get things to move to fast, in an unnatural way, with out her thinking I'm taking the typical guy excuse "things are moving to fast I want out." I don't want out, but it took her and her husband 9 years to get where they are for a reason. Can anyone out there help ?

Tonberry 07-02-2011 01:12 PM

Tell her that you understand she wants her relationships to be equal, but that she probably wasn't going that fast with her husband when they had been together four months.
And even if she did, each relationship is different, and treating people differently doesn't mean you're not treating them as equals.
Can you just send this post to her in an email, or read it to her as you are talking? It seems to me you explain the situation well in it. It could be a starting point.

MonoVCPHG 07-02-2011 06:23 PM

Wow Kingtone. I don't really have any advice but I wanted to say your respect and sense of pace is inspiring. Your appreciation for what she has built with her husband over nine years will go a long way in building a lasting connection in my opinion.

Too many people come into an established relationship wanting to obtain some level of equality almost immediately.

Thanks for sharing this and welcome to the forum :)

TruckerPete 07-03-2011 01:16 PM

Yes, you've really articulated yourself quite well here. How about just saying that?

Ariakas 07-03-2011 02:11 PM


Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 89790)
Yes, you've really articulated yourself quite well here. How about just saying that?

Ditto :)

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