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-   -   Greetings everybody; I am completely new to this (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11517)

Doubtfulaboutthis 06-27-2011 10:03 PM

Greetings everybody; I am completely new to this

I am a 43 year old guy that has been married to a wonderful lady for 20 years. We love each other very much, but each of us have had short term affairs during extended absences from each other. We both were hurt, but we are also realists. We understand that we can't provide everything each other needs; emotionally and sexually. My wife recently approached me about having an open marriage. I have to admit, I didn't like the idea while we were having the conversation; however, the more I thought about it, the more I get used to the idea.

I guess the bottom line is that I am reluctant to go forward with the proposition because of jealousy, and the proposition of being hurt. Does anybody have any experience with this?


LostRane 06-27-2011 10:04 PM


I have and it gets better...

AutumnalTone 06-28-2011 12:07 AM

Welcome aboard.

TruckerPete 06-28-2011 02:00 AM

There are pages and pages devoted to jealousy, so yes, we have a bit of experience. :)

MileHighQuad 06-28-2011 05:18 AM

Welcome! :)
Welcome! I have done quite a bit of reading on jealousy. In our quad, where two male egos tend to rock the boat frequently, we have learned that being able to verbalize the jealous thoughts goes a long way to diffuse them. Just being able to say, " This makes me uncomfortable, and I feel jealous of ---" immediately opens the heart and mind to a more compassionate place. When those feelings are not expressed, they become huge and seem impossible to overcome. We have also discovered, more often than not, we are not alone in our feelings. Someone else in our quad almost always can relate. Communication, patience, sharing, and a willingness to move slowly have been SO very important in our own experience. Good luck to you and your loved ones. It's not an easy path, but I have found it completely worth the effort!! :)

Doubtfulaboutthis 06-28-2011 05:49 AM

Thanks for taking the time to address the jealousy issue with this lifestyle. It was helpful.

bella123456 06-29-2011 01:24 PM

I would think everyone here has some experience with jealously.
And...yes - sometimes it hurts.

Which is not to say you should not do something for the worry of what may hurt.

It is also ok to do something for the thought it may bring some happiness..

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