Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   The one thing that's been really bothering me (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1145)

ramfish 11-06-2009 03:54 AM

The one thing that's been really bothering me
 
I need some feedback on a situation that has been going on with my J-kun and the girl in our class he was casually having relations with. So he has not yet told her that he is not longer interested in her in 'that way' anymore. She's an okay girl, even if she is young and inexperienced. However, J-kun's method for cutting things off with her has been to avoid, give excuses, and all around avoid the issue entirely.

He has mused in the past that he should just tell her he has a girlfriend, but clearly he hasn't done that. He knows that I would be okay with him letting her know he's seeing me in a way now, thus, is no interested in continuing things with her anymore. He hasn't done that either.

Tonight he yet again gave her the "I have homework and am too busy" excuse when she tried to ask to hang out after class tonight (which is pretty much always a ruse to get him into bed). Course, they haven't been having sex since J-kun started seeing me ... so I can imagine she's getting a little frustrated.

It just makes me a little uncomfortable, because it's something I wish that he would resolve. I don't like the way it makes him feel, how he gets when he realizes he will have to brush off her advances when he sees her at class...so...it's kinda become one of those things that just hasn't gone away.

However, I don't feel like it's my place to say "you have to actually tell her because I think you should". I'm not that kind of person to begin with. It's his thing, even if I know her too, that doesn't mean that I'm the one who should be telling him what to do.

So...anyone have any thoughts?

ladyjools 11-06-2009 12:37 PM

honestly i think it is disrespectful to the girl he is trying to end things with and if i where you that would make me seriously wonder if i want to be with him,

Jools

Ceoli 11-06-2009 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyjools (Post 11344)
honestly i think it is disrespectful to the girl he is trying to end things with and if i where you that would make me seriously wonder if i want to be with him,

^This. If his communication and respect are lacking with her right in front of my very eyes, I would have reason to believe that they're lacking with his relationships in general. And even if he was treating me better than he treated her, he still remains the kind of person that treats people that way. If this were my situation, I'd want him to learn to pony up before choosing to in a relationship with him.

Fidelia 11-06-2009 03:08 PM

From the situation you describe, J-kun has issues with communicating in a direct, respectful and loving way with his partners with regard to unpleasant and sensitve situations.

Be advised, ramfish, this is an issue that will continue to recur in his life until it is resolved.


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:45 AM.