Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Monogamy and menstrual cycles :D (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11439)

cuddlecakes 06-26-2011 12:22 AM

Monogamy and menstrual cycles :D
In the book Sperm Wars, one of the main points is that "a woman is far more likely to conceive through a casual fling than through sex with her regular partner" and:


Secondly, and perhaps this is surprising, a woman is more likely to have routine sex in the two weeks after she has ovulated, when she cannot conceive, than in the two or so weeks before, when she might conceive. The difference can be detected statistically, but is too slight to be noticeable to either the man or the woman. This subtle change in behaviour is not due to a conscious decision by couples to avoid conception. Women using reliable contraceptives, including the pill, show the same slight changes in behaviour. So, too, do other primates. The subtle change in a female's willingness to have sex with her partner at different stages of her cycle is hormonal, not cerebral.
Some of the claims in this book make a lot of sense, while others are pretty dubious. I suspected this was one of the more dubious ones.

But now that I'm in an open relationship, and know everything that my girlfriend is doing with other guys, this seems very obviously true. Much more so than his "subtle change". When she's near period time, she's very "domestic" (her word) and monogamous and thinking exclusively about me. When she's near ovulation she's preoccupied with other boys, reestablishing contact with ones she hasn't talked to in a while, going on dates and sleepovers, etc. She says it's a very obvious change, too. Does anyone else experience this change in behavior?

redpepper 06-26-2011 07:11 AM

Yes, I've noticed. I used to practice the rythm method where you take your temperature every morning and chart it to see when you ovulate. I became really aware of my cycle. I did this for three years and didn't get pregnant. It worked great for me.

Tonberry 06-26-2011 11:30 AM

I'm actually more indiscriminately horny during my period than at any other time, meaning I'm more likely to have casual sex and the like during that time, which seems to be the opposite as that thesis.
I can imagine that for a lot of people, they would be more wary of new partners during menstruation because some people can be grossed out by the idea of having sex during it. This being said as long as you're honest about, I find that many guys don't care and a bunch are turned on by it.
Not that I have casual sex anymore nowadays, but hormone-wise I can still tell I get horny thinking about lots of people as opposed to just my partner.

On the other hand I do have to agree with the "more domestic" think. I have that cleaning obsession during my period. I have theorized that maybe I feel unclean or I feel I'm making things unclean, so I clean everything much more as a result.

MonoVCPHG 06-27-2011 04:16 PM


Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 88600)
I'm actually more indiscriminately horny during my period than at any other time, meaning I'm more likely to have casual sex and the like during that time, which seems to be the opposite as that thesis.

There are actually some very interesting studies about the different types of men women find attractive during their cycle. Documentary Storm/Documentary Heaven have links to some.

TruckerPete 06-27-2011 05:01 PM

The week after my period is my crazy, want-all-the-sex time. My desire felt very "flat" when I was on the pill, but with an IUD I have ups and downs in my drive. My downs feel similar to what I was like on the pill. Being sex-crazed for that short time makes sex interesting!! Well, more interesting, I should say. :p

I haven't noticed any times that I feel more domestic. I mean, I get to be kind of a homebody when I'm on my period, but that's because there are two or three days where I'm quite crampy and don't want to do anything.

nycindie 06-27-2011 06:54 PM

I am never feeling domestic, LOL. I hate cleaning no matter when it is.

On the flip side, I think I've always been pretty much the same level of horny no matter when it is. Maybe I just never noticed. I've been told that I am a "highly sexual" woman, but I've always wondered... compared to what?

I don't get my period anymore because I've begun entering menopause. The last period I had was October, so in a few months (after I've reached a year without menstruating) I will officially be a crone, or Wise Woman! Woo-hoo!

cuddlecakes 06-28-2011 01:03 AM

Ok, maybe I shouldn't have used the word "domestic". And it's not just about being horny.

It's about whether you're horny for a long-term domestic partner/more monogamous vs horny for new guys/flings/casual sex/rock stars.

nycindie 06-28-2011 03:12 AM

You're talking about wanting variety versus the nesting instinct. Eh, so many variables, ya know. Not every woman experiences their menstrual periods the same way. For example, I never had PMS and very rarely had cramps, ever. Meanwhile, some women are unable to go to work, as they are doubled up in pain. Psychology and conditioning have a lot to do with it. Were you told as a young girl that your period was a curse or a friend? That kind of thing. But seriously, if I was single I fucked around, when I was committed and monogamous, I didn't -- and I was never one to feel tempted by attractions when monogamous. I pretty much always had the same appetite for sex throughout any given month, so for me my menstrual cycle did not factor into anything other than what to wear.

evrchanging 06-29-2011 03:17 PM

I chart my cycle loosely. Jewel knows my pattern to a T. so its no surprise to her when I want to visit Lover. The week after my period I am mad horny. I hardly ever seen myself as straying during that time except for B.O.B (Batter Operated Boyfriend). If I could get sex from Jewel, great I was happy. I am also mad horny 2 days before my period. Lover is not grossed out about my period at all, which is a first for me. He provides cramp relief which makes me very happy. So I try to visit him at least once to relive cramps, seriously. I was worried at first how the menus would work into the whole thing. I was seeing me going sorry dear but flow gets me this weekend. I do the mad clean and organize everything on my flow. I see it as starting new, and I often just don't feel like doing much else. Its my down time.

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:16 AM.