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-   -   Has anyone been like this? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1141)

Tahirabs 11-05-2009 06:26 PM

Has anyone been like this?
I am new to all this so I don't know if anyone else feels this way or if it is just me.

I have recently gotten a girlfriend who I love dearly and at the same time I am married. Alot of you may know my stoy as I have posted a few things here and there. What I was wondering was... I know for a fact I would not be poly if it was not for the two people I love. I don't feel like I am poly just more like I am in love with two people. If, for some strange reason, eather of them would want to leave me I wouldn't not go out looking for anyone else (I wasn't looking in the first place... my girlfriend just ended up at my house through a mutual friend). Does this sound odd? Does anyone else feel this way? Let me know please...

AutumnalTone 11-05-2009 07:07 PM

Most of us--if not all--are not poly because we feel poly. We are poly because we simply love more than one person at a time.

For me, I found when I was first getting interested in girls that I was always interested in more than one. Even when I made a connection with one, I was still interested in others and could connect with them, too. I wasn't terribly interested in the "going steady" thing because it meant I couldn't also see other girls.

Did I feel poly? Um, no. Leaving aside the fact that the term hadn't been coined at that time, I only knew that I could love more than one at a time. I wondered why it wasn't possible to "go steady" with two or three girls.

Tahirabs 11-05-2009 08:51 PM

Thank you for your thoughts, but I think I did not clearify myself very well. I was more asking if anyone had felt like they wouldn't be poly at all if it wasn't for the people they were in love with. I know if it wasn't for my two lovers I deffinitly would not be poly, the idea had never entered my mind (even the concept let alone the word). Does anyone else feel this way?

redsirenn 11-05-2009 09:30 PM

I do!
In fact - I am with one man, Ouroboros, and not with another (for many reasons) yet I do love them both. I don't "feel" poly, and in fact, I don't even put the title on myself. I just feel this way. I bet I could love many... The ogistics of having the relationships is another matter entirely.

Also - even though I feel this way, I still get wierded out with Ouroboros wanting to see other women... I know it is something I need to think about.

BigGuy 11-06-2009 12:25 AM

Typically, most people know they're Poly once they get their secret decoder ring and instructions for the secret handshake.

I've always been intrigued with multiple relationships. Never really pursued it until recently, and even then, not very aggressively. I figure, what happens happens. If someone comes into my life that I'm interested in and they're ok with it, maybe something will happen. If not, that's ok too.

redpepper 11-06-2009 06:59 AM

you don't have to use any title at all really. I think it's totally fine to just love who ever you want. I always loved more than one person from the very beginning of consciously crushing out on people. I didn't call it poly, it just was. Same goes for this, so you love two people and that is unusual for you... so what, it just is and you all can just carry on enjoying it.

ladyjools 11-06-2009 12:35 PM

i think sometimes i am more commited to my poly lifestyle than i am to any of my partners, so right now at this time in my life i am poly and not just in love with more than one person, i choose to go out, date and meet new people,

that being said I came to be poly by accidently falling in love with another man, i didn't even know what poly was back then, and at that time i thought that if i broke up with one of those 2 partners id never look for another,
when relationship 2 ended
i waited 6 or 7 months and then decided that actually i had enjoyed the experience of loving more than one person and so i did start dating and looking and then i reserached polyamoury and realised that this is the way i want to lead my life,


XYZ123 11-06-2009 03:27 PM

My short answer is yes, I felt EXACTLY that way about my relationship with P. I have always loved more than one person but never went the poly route until her. I was more serial monogamy or cheating (not proud of that). I'll give you a better answer later when there is not a baby asleep on me. :)

Sunshinegrl 11-07-2009 08:53 AM

Yep. Said this To AB and AL the other day. Word for word. Get out of my head. :P

aussielover 11-07-2009 09:04 AM


Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl (Post 11450)
Yep. Said this To AB and AL the other day. Word for word. Get out of my head. :P

Yep. I asked her if she was writing under a pen name :D

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