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-   -   help me understand (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1137)

Andilynn 11-05-2009 12:06 AM

help me understand
 
I would soo appreciate any and all tips and or pointers to starting a healty poly relationship. i have been reading the posts just want more direct info. i have never been in a poly relationship and the person i want to start one with i have not known long. i trust him to a point but again we have only known eachother for a year now. we have alot of fun together and i dont want to ruin that by confusing myself or him with antother person wouldnt be fair to any involved. i have always wanted to share my love with more than one person and be loved by more than one....i pictured and interperted being poly as being in a family like relationship with more then one person where everyone is loved and appreciated equally. maybe im not right for this sounds good on papper. so from your experience how does one go about discovering if poly will work for ones self.

thx Andi

ladyjools 11-05-2009 01:47 AM

being poly is diffrent for everyone, it really is a very broad term so all i can do is tell you waht it means for me

for me it is about making connections and having loving relationships with more than one partner, and that any of my partners are free to do the same, in an honest and open way,

eventually i would like to live in a family with more than one partner,

in my current situation i have 2 men, one of whom i have been involved with for nearly 6 years and the other only a matter of months, so obviously just now both relationships are not equal however things are fair in the sense that both partners are respected and the newer partner has the option to develop things serious enough that he may one day come live with us and join our family,

I would soo appreciate any and all tips and or pointers to starting a healty poly relationship.
tips i can think of off top of my head
1- COMUNICATE, radical honesty, comunicate about everything, if you feel jeous insecure tell your partner(s) if you are happy tell them too, no matter how difficult the conversation might be to face have that conversation.

2- Do not let the new relationship energy overwhelm you, and this is very hard. You will fall in love and it will be easy to want to spend all your time with the new partner however remember the other person(s) in your life and don't neglect them make time for both and be honest about how much time you want and need.

3- be understanding if your partner gets caught up in new relationship energy, it prob will hapen!

4- be very careful about STDs, i get everyone checked out at STD clinic and i am very careful about using protection.

i am sure others can add more, there is plenty more that i haven't thought off the top of my head :)

i have never been in a poly relationship and the person i want to start one with i have not known long. i trust him to a point but again we have only known eachother for a year now

i think a year seems like a resonable amount of time but is there any rush, i would recomend you read everything you can first, there is lots of links to diffrent resources on the forum and elsewhere on the net, read good and bad things and then make your mind up if this is for you.


have always wanted to share my love with more than one person and be loved by more than one....i pictured and interperted being poly as being in a family like relationship with more then one person where everyone is loved and appreciated equally. maybe im not right for this sounds good on papper

there is nothing wrong with this being you're ideal, but just be flexible to whatever happens because you cannot predict what will happen, :) you kind of have to let go and allow things to progress in natural way.

dispite the fact that poly lifestyle can be hard work it is extreemly rewarding (for me anyway)

good luck
Jools

Manno 11-05-2009 05:17 AM

great advice.
 
That's about all i had to say :)

LovingRadiance 11-05-2009 05:33 AM

Great advice. I found reading lovemore.com helpful as did Maca.

Andilynn 11-05-2009 07:36 AM

soo i spent my wonderful day off reading posts on here and lovemore and wikki and tons of other sites and made a list of books to check out....Im excited to say this has been a blissful and self revealing day!!! i talked alittle with my partner and asked him what he had in mind as far as his deffanition and thoughts on poly...and was pleasently supprised to find were and are on exactly the same page and in the same book too...lol i cant express the joy this has already brought me.....ahhh soooo happy.:D thank you for your replys and all the posts you have made in here your input and opion are very much appreciated....(excuse the spelling had too much coffee and im on cloud nine) I know it will be a hard rough road but im ready to dicover all this has to offer and im heading down it with a smile on my lips and understanding in my heart.

LovingRadiance 11-05-2009 10:43 PM

Congrats! It's amazing how taking a couple hours one day a week can educate us so much about ourselves huh?

I know that feeling well. I was so amazed the day I sat down and said "I am GOING to find me somewhere if it takes all day". I was in tears of frustration when I started, but I found lovemore and this and as my jaw hung slack my tears slowed and I figured out that I'm not the only "weirdo" around. By that night I had a smile on my face and a few days later changed my whole life. We're 7 weeks past that now and my life has NEVER been as happy and secure and REAL as it is today.


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