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-   -   My Story/ramblings (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11195)

KnightValiant 06-20-2011 03:25 AM

My Story/ramblings
 
I'm not sure how much to share in here yet. Not for fear of non-acceptance but simply because I don't want to ramble too much and end up on a tangent that gets me nowhere. I suppose I shall begin simply by saying that I am not sure how I've come to this point. All of this is kind of new to me. I am very thankful for the patience and understanding I'm receiving from V (I suppose I will come up with a better nickname as I go along). She has been wonderfully giving with her affections even though we have taken things slow. It is nice to know she is comfortable with me and that we can lounge around and have fun. I haven't come from a very loving or affectionate background so a lot of these little things mean a great deal to me.

I have recently become - gosh I don't know how to say all these things - involved I guess would be the term for now in a "V". She has been in a long term relationship for years with J. And while he and I didn't know each other well at first as my friendship with V developed (sporadically), I have come to respect and admire him greatly and even care about him as a friend so this blooming relationship I have with V at first concerned me. I didn't want to interfere with their relationship so I tried to ignore what became more and more obvious between her and I.

Besides this I was at first somewhat hesitant to become involved because of her family. I have been friends with her brothers and sisters and mother since I did some minor house repair remodeling (and subsequently ended up living there for 4 months... long story) but as a result have come to consider them my own family as well so I wasn't sure how they would react. (So far, mixed reviews, but at the moment V is happy with how things are working out and so I am pleased with how things are going.)

She makes me very happy whatever we happen to be doing, be it drinking coffee and telling bad jokes or cuddling watching a movie. That too is unfamiliar territory for me. I have had precious little reason to smile for quite some time and I am still amazed at how it's all going. I suppose that's not very informative or descriptive (or at least not enough to feel satisfying to let out but at the moment it will have to do since its getting late and I have work early soooo....) Goodnight, and thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

vixtresses 06-20-2011 11:47 AM

Vix would work. :p

KnightValiant 06-23-2011 06:17 PM

Continued(more background on me and update)
 
Hum… it’s hard to say all that factors in, or what, if anything, to include. I come from an exceedingly broken background. As a young child I was heavily abused and neglected (both emotionally and physically). My mother was virtually never around as she was working 18 hours a day most days to pay for nearly everything in the absence of any income from my father. It is not that he didn’t have a job but rather that nothing he earned he could either report legally or resist snorting, drinking, injecting, or smoking. At some point or another, everybody in my life – sister, brother, friends, girlfriends, parents – everybody blamed me for everything or said I was a disappointment or a waste. Nothing I could do could please any of them.

So in an effort to prove myself, I ended up getting straight A's (honours with curriculum from college levels in elementary school, i.e. Shakespeare in 3rd grade and trigonometry in 5th... etc) in every class but straight F's in conduct. (Mostly as I’ve come to lately realize was probably to spend time with the only truly affectionate and loving role model I had, my grandmother, who would spend time with me during my suspensions from school).Besides my grandmother('s kind touch,i.e hugs,kisses and cookies,and occasionally the discipline of the ever feared abuela weapons the wooden spoon and the flip flop lol :p), I have spent a good deal of my life both affection and attention deprived, despite the fact that I have always ended up being the go-to guy for all my friends’ and family’s problems, the mediator, and the impromptu Batman (“Help, Batman, Gotham is burning, save us!”:eek:).

As a result I’ve spent a lot of time both surrounded but alone because I have had to be strong for the sake of everyone else around me. I have spent a long time emotionally and physically exhausted. I will post more later today (some of my past relationships and traumas and how things are now). I just need a break from typing so I will get back to this later (that I suppose is enough to digest for now).


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