Universal Love and The Green Eyed Monster
I am not sure where to start, so I guess I will introduce myself. My name is A, and I am 28 years old. I live in America and was raised in a very religious and strict household. I am currently living with a man who I love more than I ever could've imagined. We actually met in the 6th and dated for a while...but I decided I didn't like him like that and we went back to being friends.
Fast forward a few years....I get a message on facebook from him. Before we lost contact, I wrote him a note saying that if he ever needed me, no matter what, I'll be there for him. The note says he is really struggling and needed me. We met a few days later and fell in love. It's been over 5 years now and things just keep getting better and better. He says that he fell in love with me when he saw me many years ago, and that all the girls he has been with have been practice for me. He is my best friend, my only lover, we are one. I have not been attracted to another man in years...although we both share a taste in pretty girls.
We broke up for a few months once, and during this time he met a girl named Jenny. They got pretty close emotionally, but not physically. They have been friends now for 3 years. I was very very jealous for a very long time. He knew this, and would hide the fact that he was hanging out with her. I confronted him one day in a fit of jealousy, and he admitted to having feelings for her (something I have known all along).
I have come to realize that society's idea of a relationship (among many other things) are extremely skewed. The idea of a perfect union is drilled into our subconscious from the minute we are born.
Why do I think of my lover as "mine"? He is a human being, not a commodity. If I really love him, it would be selfish to want to keep him to myself.
So here is why I am here......
I really believe that love is universal, and should not be limited.
I really want to be able to give my man the gift of ultimate and selfless love.
But I still am jealous......especially about Jenny. I understand that jealousy is an empty emotion, and I guess I am working on it, but it's still there.
There is also fear, fear of losing him.
Even though I know better, I still get thoughts like "what if he falls in love with her?", "is she prettier than me"? (which is silly cause I'm pretty hot, especially in his eyes)
So that's why I am here, to learn how to overcome those pointless emotions. To learn from others' experiences. To get sage advice.
Thank you for listening, I am sorry this was so long.
That is not even 10 % of what I wanted to say, but didnít want to make this too long.
Hope to hear from you all soon.
Welcome Mightbeahippie, I'm half hippie myself :)
I can't offer too much advice, but you sound like you're doing really well. And I think all the negatives emotions you have raised are part and parcel of a journey.
You don't just arrive at point B, there's generally quite a few stops between A and B...and sometimes a few turns, where you may discover you were perhaps heading in the wrong direction...and have been for a time.
And then you might get your GPS out and work out another route..
Or consult a map..
Or stop and ask directions...which is what you have done..
Warm wishes to you :)
I will share a few paragraphs from a blog article I recently read, which I think can relate to what you're going through:
". . . you fell in love with someone who was compassionate, loving, sensitive and caring... Expecting or asking that partner never to fall in love again, never to love another, is like asking them not to be themselves. I rejoice in the fact that my partner can and does love!The rest of the article is here: Some of my thoughts on Polyamory.... It's a good, short read.
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