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-   -   Is male sex drive a myth??? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10945)

Erosa 06-13-2011 11:56 PM

Is male sex drive a myth???
I have to ask this question because frankly it is driving me crazy.

First, I work as a professional (yes yes... Laugh if it's funny. Lol) psychic. That's how I make my living. I say that only to explain where I am getting the basis on which I ask the title question.

Is male sex drive all just a myth?

I have many client, both male and female, who ask me many intimate questions. But in the now 6 years I have been doing this 40+hrs a week, I have NEVER nice heard a man complain about his wife or SO's lack of interest in sex.


On the other hand it is an odd day when i don't have AT LEAST one female client asking me what she can do to get more sexual attention in her relationship with a man.

My point is this: the classic tale is about women who loose all interest in sex after marrying/having kids/being in a relationship for thus-and-such amount of time. But I have talked to so many women who are absolutely starving for sex... ANY sex of ANY kind from their primary (or exclusive) partners.

These women HAVE told their partners they need more. They DO go out of their way to be available anytime their male partner wants. They DO try every seduction technique in the book, study sexual arts, get the fancy lingerie, and finally in utter bewilderment turn to a psychic for adivce on the problem.

The excuses their male partners give vary from "let me finished this level of Halo" to "my back hurts" to "not tonight, the kids might hear us!".

Meanwhile, these ladies are not at all bad looking. Many are extremely healthy as well as being beautiful. But they are still unable to get their lover's attention.And frankly, it's wearing on their self esteem and their hormones.

Unfortunately at the moment i include myself in this category.

So, what is going on? I know that it's conceivable that a man might not take his sexual complaints to a psychic but at least two of my married friends are complaining of the same thing with their husbands.

Can any guys or experienced ladies shed any light on this?

Or any ideas for fixing the problem? (hint: telling the man that she wants more sex doesn't work. Nor does blatant assertiveness. Nor does fantasy play. And this is all of these ladies, not just me that it doesn't work for.)

Ariakas 06-14-2011 01:38 AM

I can only speak for myself.

My horniness level is far from universal. How I feel with one partner is different than another. Sexual chemistry plays a huge part in how I feel.

For the record, I betcha the guys have self esteem and confidence issues because of it too. Just because they are saying "no" doesn't mean they arent battling with the same thing.

Solution - no idea. I can't fake it till I make it. There is either a raw unadulterated lust or their isn't. It can come and go in waves I suppose, but it isn't something anyone else can control.

TheBlackSwede 06-14-2011 01:52 AM

The Testosterone levels of the average male today are half of what they were 50 years ago. That may play a part in it, but according to "Sex at Dawn", women have huge sex drives - larger than most males can keep up with.

I think most of the "classic story" is unscientific and bullshit.

Erosa 06-14-2011 01:55 AM


Originally Posted by SvartSvensk (Post 86224)
The Testosterone levels of the average male today are half of what they were 50 years ago. That may play a part in it, but according to "Sex at Dawn", women have huge sex drives - larger than most males can keep up with.

I think most of the "classic story" is unscientific and bullshit.

That's actually helpful.

I have noticed that there seem to be at least as many poly women as men also. Which supports this theory.

AutumnalTone 06-14-2011 02:05 AM

I've had no female partners match my sex drive--not a single one. Even now, when my testosterone levels have dropped significantly in the wake of a medical treatment, my sex drive is still higher than that of the women around me.

The only times I've turned down a woman with whom I've been involved have been when I was approached shortly after she pissed me off about something and I was in no mood for interaction. That's happened perhaps three times in my adult life.

nycindie 06-14-2011 02:06 AM


transitapparent 06-14-2011 02:11 AM

maybe it's hit or miss. personally, I have NEVER turned down sex. I would walk away from the computer right now if the offer was on the table. I enjoy it way too much. my wife however, has turned me down more than once. "we don't have to do it everyday." I say no, but I'd sure like to. I got a vasectomy a couple years ago. they told me to wait 2 weeks. 4 days later, I told my her we had to be gentle. I could be a rarity now a days. can't say. maybe she is just as interested in sex as I am. either way, I have no complaints.

Erosa 06-14-2011 02:13 AM

Well, I am glad to see there are a few men on here who still would drop computer time for sex! Lol

transitapparent 06-14-2011 02:34 AM

honestly, I'd probably stop doing just about anything to have sex. dinner?? I can eat later. change the oil in the car?? it can wait. mow the grass?? it's just going to keep growing anyway. new shelves in the garage?? it's been sitting on the floor for this long. work?? hold on, I'll call and tell them I'll be late. sleep?? we're in bed and both still awake, may as well.

TheBlackSwede 06-14-2011 02:37 AM

There's plenty of time for both! And my experience with female sex drive really varies - I'm pretty horny, average about 3 ejaculations per day, and still sometimes some ladies just can't get enough. After 45 minutes of oral and intense sex, I mean really, I need a break. Then there are others who just couldn't seem bothered. It's so mixed.

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