||06-13-2011 02:10 PM
New to Forums, not Polyamory
I've been married for 7 years and with my husband for 12 years total. We started discussing being poly (though we didn't know the term then) about 2 years into our relationship when I realized that being monogamous didn't work for me personally or philosophically. My husband had, until that point, always imagined that sort of white picket fence life being faithful to his wife (in my mind, even if he were unhappy). Once we discussed being open to sexual encounters with other people for a really long while, we decided that it could work for us.
Much of our "poly" life has been about being open to sex, but relationships have been more complicated. In fact, we're currently working to move past someone he was seeing who became obsessed with convincing him to leave me and who believes very much (I know, thanks to the long Facebook messages she's sent me) that she loves my husband more than I ever could because I "share" him.
Those events, plus the realization that we can talk to no one in our real lives about being poly led me to look for an appropriate internet community. We've recently - last week! - moved to Raleigh, NC, and I really hope we'll be able to connect with some people here who don't need a long-winded explanation about the way we live. We're also hoping to move more toward dating a third person. We've both seen the same woman once before, and it felt really comfortable. I'm sure that change in our lives will require much thought & discussion about how to make everything work.