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-   -   transitapparent - I ramble alot (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10859)

transitapparent 06-11-2011 10:51 PM

transitapparent - I ramble alot
 
transit - The act of passing over, across, or through; passage.
apparent - Readily understood; clear or obvious

transitapparent - obviously, I'm going to go somewhere.

this is kind of the story of my life. I was born in Germany at a US Army hospital. from that time until I set out on my own at 18, the longest I ever lived in one house was 6 years. I went to 8 different schools growing up. since I've moved so many times, I find it easier to keep a small circle of friends, that way when its time to go, the impact is small.

joining the military was an easy choice. it's all I knew. travel the world. see exotic ( and sometimes not so exotic) places and meet new people.

I detailed how poly came into my life in another post. I'll put up a link to it so I don't have to type it all again but in a nut shell, my wife reconnected with a HS friend and thats how it happened. this is more about my moving forward.

I have had good days and bad days and then some really bad days since it all began. after reading through some of the posts on here and seeing that I'm not alone, I get a little more comfortable everyday.

I'm used to change, I don't always like it, but I'll survive.

obvioulsy, I'm going to go somewhere.

P.S. I have a bad habit of starting these things and not following through on them so this may be my first and last blog post lol.

transitapparent 06-11-2011 11:21 PM

here's the link to my original new to poly post. it describes my wife's journey into poly and my feelings....etc.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10613

transitapparent 06-11-2011 11:23 PM

at this moment, I can't really begin any journey other than talking to other people via online. I'm currently deployed. I can use this as an outlet for my feelings though until I get home to my loving family.

transitapparent 06-12-2011 09:05 PM

so far, today is a good day, but it's still early. I got to talk to the wife when I woke up which always makes me happy. we talked a little about her BF and how he was doing. I got to see the kids. technology is a beautiful thing sometimes. I remember my 1st deployment after we were together. we had email as a constant way to communicate and we got to talk on the phone a couple of times a week. deployment 2 had yahoo messenger. now we have facebook which of course gives up to the minute details if needed and skype where we actually see each other. on top of it, I have internet in my room which opens the door for skype sex....giggity....anyway, unless we have actual work to do, my nights are spent reading as much as I can on here. I'm learning alot about how to work through the emotional turmoil that I still have. I think I'm working through it pretty good though.

Minxxa 06-13-2011 02:58 PM

Hi there!

I just wanted to say hi, and welcome. My hubs is in the Navy, and so I do understand the separation/deployment lonliness.

M

transitapparent 06-14-2011 02:48 AM

it sucks but it's all part of the job. 40 something days til I go home.

transitapparent 06-14-2011 10:54 PM

I forgot to mention that, after seeing it mentioned a few times on here, I started an OKC account. I did a search for poly and there really isn't anyone close. I've had some views but no messages yet.

transitapparent 06-17-2011 12:21 AM

I got a message on OKC today :eek:

I'm kind of surprised actually. I've used dating sites before and I don't think I've ever got any messages. I also don't think I'm the best at filling out all the "about me" blocks.

I'm gonna have to tell my wife tomorrow. I would rather talk to her about it on skype than in an email.

the best part is its really easy for me to take it slow. I can't see her for at least 2 months, even if I wanted too.

transitapparent 06-19-2011 09:37 PM

well, apparently some people don't actually read OKC profiles. I was talking to the girl from OKC via email. she must have skipped the whole blurb about me being married because once the topic came up, she flipped. guess I'll keep looking.

I don't think I ever mentioned that the wifes BF was a LDR. he lives in a different state. I've been doing alot better the past couple of weeks but my anxiety level has been going back up the past couple of days. shes going to see him this week. we've been married for almost 8 years. I know that she is going to sleep with him and it's killing me. I don't really know where to put the jealousy and fear. before I would project it at her and it would just push her away. I don't want to do that!!!! I'm halfway around the world, reassurance is a hard pill to swallow all the way over here. I know she loves me but it doesn't always feel like it.

transitapparent 06-25-2011 09:06 AM

well, today is the day. the day that I've dreaded for so long and so far....I'm ok. today is the day that I know my wife is going to sleep with another man for the first time in 10 years. I just got off work and went to the gym which means it's shower and bed time. when I wake up it might be a different story.

she flew into town for a high school graduation which we had been planning for more than a year. since then she of course reconnected with the guy that is now her now BF. I have been preparing myself for this day for quite a while. I had some bad dreams about it a couple nights ago but I think I'm ok. I was able to skype with her yesterday before I went to work which always makes me feel better. it's really my only way to connect with her right now other than email. I won't get to skype with her today because she is going to be with him. she said she will send me some emails but I know she will be busy so I don't really expect to many.

is there any advice anyone can give me for when I talk to her sunday? like I said, right now I'm ok. this afternoon and through the night, I may be a nervous, trembling, angry, depressed mess. I don't know. maybe I'll be ok. I think I've accepted it. I know she loves me. this is just a new chapter in both of our lives.


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