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katactor 06-11-2011 01:13 AM

New and Learning
Hello everyone! I am really glad to have found this forum. I am 31 years old and in an open relationship. However, this is new territory for both of us. We have been together for almost a year. On date one, we both expressed interested in possible polyamory. We had both had failed monogamous relationships, and I had once been a secondary relationship to an established primary. That primary relationship I witnessed was the most loving and honest relationship I every witnessed, and from that point it was a curiosity of mine. And I've finally found that person who wanted to explore it with me. We are both very clear in our desire for a strong primary relationship, which is why we stayed monogamous for our first 8 months together.

Monogamy has always felt weird to me, and to be honest I have cheated in most of my longer relationships (as has he). We are very honest with each other, but as I said, we are both total newbies. We are learning how to deal with expressing our needs and feelings.

I have been involved with a casual second partner for about two months, and B is about to start his first outside relationship. It is so much harder being on this side! I feel like I'm being ridiculous feeling jealous, when he is only doing what I've already been doing. I assume it's normal, but I'm still beating myself up a bit.

Oh, and in the browsing I've done on here, I keep getting confused with all the abbreviations. Is there some place to find out what it all means?

sage 06-11-2011 05:19 AM

Hi Katactor

I could be wrong but I don't know if there is a glossary on here. If there is it will be a sticky somewhere. If you google polyamory though you'll come across xeromag and he has a good one on his site.

Jealousy is a very funny beast. My relationship has been poly/mono (only my partner has had a secondary), so I had a lot of jealousy to work through. Now I'm spreading my wings and he is getting a bit insecure (not so much jealous), but then there is still no actual person for him to be jealous of. I think when/if the time comes he will have to learn to cope with jealousy.Do a tag search for jealousy if it's really bothering you.

My partner has been away with his OSO (other significant other) this weekend. I've done really well in terms 0f jealousy, even feeling some compersion. Last night a little jealousy came up; it was around a boundary that we had both forgotten about. In the end I decided I was being self-centred and was determined to let it go. Still I didn't sleep well. Sometimes you just have to say to yourself ...AND THIS TOO WILL PASS.

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