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-   -   questions about a true poly and meeting one (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10797)

esarati300 06-10-2011 01:44 PM

questions about a true poly and meeting one
 
i have a couple of questions. frist one i have how long do someone stay poly? also i would like to know is this a true poly person if someone have like 5 main girlfriends and then have causal dates on the side? im talking about non-stop causal dates. just looks bad if you have 5 main ones and want more and more like the main girlfriends are not good for you. also it's hard to keep up with everyone like that. really it kinda sounds like a quick thrill and thats it. do you or anyone you know do this type of thing? for myself i can't even find one poly girl and i see others that have so many. it do make me kinda jealous but it's no one fault and i guess i have bad luck! i have been to one poly group meeting but that was just for talking about poly and questions only. there is no real place for trying to meet poly people to go out with in person or online. i have look all over the internet and i can't find any sites for dating a poly person. i only found old sites that were not active at all. what is the best place to find a poly person online?

Ariakas 06-10-2011 03:19 PM

Some people are poly for life
Some people chose not to be

Some peoples poly includes casual partners.
Some doesn't

Some peoples poly resembles an open relationship with possibilities.
Some peoples poly is always about love only

There is no one true poly. There is no one way to do this. If you love more than one, you are poly. If you are honest about it, you are poly.

redpepper 06-10-2011 06:05 PM

Did you try OKCupid? It isn't a poly dating site, but it is the one that most poly's I know use... add poly to your profile and it will pop up for others that that is what you are interested in...

It sounds like the poly dating style is not your thing... meh, thats fine. It isn't for everyone. It can seem a bit casual for some and be more about the open sexuality than actually loving others to ones fullest. If it doesn't fit for you, then don't do it. If you are jealous or struggling with that kind of dynamic, don't hang out with people who practice that kind of poly... just simply accept and find others that suit your way of doing poly better.

You said you went to a group. I suggest going again with the idea that you are there to make friends. If you are not the poly dating type, then finding friends and see what develops from that. I think that is the best way to go. If nothing comes of anything from anyone, then at least you have friends that are like minded. That is worth its weight in gold. Five years from now they might introduce you to someone to love or they themselves might become a lover... you never know right?

One thing for sure, it doesn't all happen in a day and nor should it. In my experience, relationships that are healthy and prosperous are built over time and continue to be built everyday... not once and then you are set for life. That is a consumeristic way of looking at relationships. It might work for buying a new game or something, but doesn't work for relationships. They are an investment.

AutumnalTone 06-15-2011 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 85593)
Some peoples poly includes casual partners.
Some doesn't

Some peoples poly resembles an open relationship with possibilities.
Some peoples poly is always about love only

To these I respond: Folks can do poly AND open at the same time without the one becoming the other. There's no reason to try to stretch a perfectly good term to cover things that already have perfectly good terms to describe them.

Remember that folks can do poly AND open AND swinging...and it's all good. That's not to say that open and swinging are poly.

Ariakas 06-15-2011 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone (Post 86635)
To these I respond: Folks can do poly AND open at the same time without the one becoming the other. There's no reason to try to stretch a perfectly good term to cover things that already have perfectly good terms to describe them.

Remember that folks can do poly AND open AND swinging...and it's all good. That's not to say that open and swinging are poly.

Ya sorry, I definitely didn't hit on the many possible iterations of what's possible. :)


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