I have been reading the forums for a few weeks and I finally decided it was time to stop lurking and say hello.
I was monogamous and married for years, but, my husband passed away last year. Since then I have been adjusting to being single, and exploring living by myself for the first time. A brief flirtation with a guy on OKCupid 8 months ago who happened to be in an open marriage got me reconsidering a lot of things that I had just assumed. He was cute, but, it didn't go any further than texting and online chat and then things got stressful for him at home and he mostly vanished.
I continued to consider a non monogamous relationship situation for myself. I read online for a while and decided that polyamory might be a better fit for me than monogamy had been. I learned that there was often a difference between polyamory and the open marriage that they guy I was flirting with was in, which explained why everything would have been fine with his wife if he'd just slept with me, and wasn't fine with his wife when he was actually talking and sharing things with no actual physical contact.
Of the two sorts of situations, I'd prefer to have the sharing and talking as well as sex, but, I'm fine with the people I'm with having other relationships as well. If they are happy, then I am happy and I don't need to be jealous as long as my needs are being met too. I'm practicing asking for what I need verbally. I'm also practicing trusting my partners to ask for what they need as well. I'm still trying to ditch the "When you meet your One True Love you will both magically know what the other needs!" model that society has been pushing on me for all my life and I'm making progress!
I'm dating two guys, and they both know about each other. However they have not met. They are so VERY different from one another. One is divorced and his children take up most of his time, which is fine. I admire him for taking his responsibilities to his family seriously. The other is married, and I have met his wife. She and I get along so far, which is excellent. She's happy that I make her husband happy. I'm happy that they have such an excellent partnership and obviously care for each other.
I haven't dealt much with my friends' reactions yet, or my family. One of my friends knows about my dating. My family is all out of town and probably won't discover anything unless I tell them. I'm in my 40's and on my own.
Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your husband's passing. Glad you have found ways to move on.
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