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-   -   Forums: Help or Hinder? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1038)

MonoVCPHG 10-26-2009 05:20 AM

Forums: Help or Hinder?
I'm curious to hear what the feedback of forum participants is about their journey on here. I found this forum at the early stages of my relationship because I needed a place to share my feelings. The rest is history!

Positives -

- The forum has given me an outlet for my self-analysis and by thinking about the issues of others I have been pushed to look at my own inner workings.
- The forum has also been a way of communicating with Redpepper as we discuss each other’s responses.
- Some people make a comment that indirectly answers questions I have but did not even identify yet!


- Sometimes I take on the issues of others and end up putting myself in their shoes so to speak. There is not a lot of poly dynamics I could be healthy in so this happened a lot LOL!!
- Sometimes Redpepper and I read too much into our responses or misinterpret each other which leads to a lot of discussion about non-issues.
- There have been times where I became so frustrated or disillusioned by the stories or ideas of others that I felt like surrendering. I forgot that although this is real life, this is not my life.

We all know some people don't get the answers they are looking for and at times all of us say things in the moment we wish we could retract. We also know some very good friendships are blooming on here.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Peace and love

greenearthal 10-26-2009 05:31 AM

I've found myself wondering a few times how my relationship with H might have been different (possibly better) if we had the cast of characters that exist here and now in this place. And then I am also grateful that when the fit hit the shan that all of that madness didn't go public (having it go public in our local community was more than enough).

MonoVCPHG 10-26-2009 05:39 AM

The public aspect of the forums is certainly a consideration. When I first came on here I posted a pic of myself because frankly I don't care what most people think. Redpepper reminded me that other people we know and may refer to as examples could see this and misinterpret our intentions so I took it down. I'd like to put it back up though...I think. We are pretty wide open on here and the info could be used against me in some cases I guess.

Privacy does have its place.

Sunshinegrl 10-26-2009 06:31 AM

I love this forum. Its been a great source of information for us. I do dislike the lack of privacy that is an issue for me. I think if the Fireplace ( or another part) was more Private (members only) I would be more comfortable sharing other factor in my life, pics and things. I think Forums are generally a great place to meet like minded people and seek support and varying opinions. I also must say I have meet some very important people in my life on forums. :)

redpepper 10-26-2009 07:00 AM

great thread idea!
I have found community here in the form of good people who are like me in many ways but just different enough to challenge me and to make me willing to want to debate! number one benefit....

This time last year husband and I were waffling all over the place, going through it all alone. While we are 12 years into the poly thing and came into our marriage this way, we never had community EVER! ...until this year. I am so happy my cheeks hurt sometimes. Not only have I found another long lost soul mate and love of my life in Mono, but a community as well, both on here and in my city!

I am truly blessed.

The down side for me is lack of time to be on here. Fortunately I can use my phone to respond a lot of the time, but I do this on work time and that is not really what I should be doing :p I usually stay up WAAAAAY to late, which is what I am doing right now!

More on the down side? I'm addicted!!! :D

MonoVCPHG 10-26-2009 07:01 AM


Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 10014)

More on the down side? I'm addicted!!! :D

Yes you are! Now get your ass to bed :mad:

NeonKaos 10-26-2009 12:23 PM

At first it helped take my mind off of a bad experience I had earlier this year. I managed to make some new friends in the process.

Recently, however, the forum has taken on a somewhat Jerry Springer-esque fascination for me.

Fidelia 10-26-2009 05:19 PM

Crap! :eek:

I just wrote four paragraphs about how much I love this forum and all you guys, when I accidently refreshed the d*** page and lost it all! :o

Forum good. Love forum. Ugh.

MonoVCPHG 10-26-2009 05:29 PM


Originally Posted by Fidelia (Post 10062)
Crap! :eek:

I just wrote four paragraphs

Sure you did ;)

ourquad 10-26-2009 11:56 PM

I didn't find this forum early on when I was searching in our relationship but, I have gotten insight here no longer than I've been a member.

I did find another forum and blog early on that have greatly helped me. I read several blogs and a couple of forums each day if possible. Spend too much time online really.

But I do this because I learn so much from how others handle things. Started my blog because I could not find one involving quads. That in itself has been a help to me. I write in a traditional journal but felt some of what we go through could help others. So, I share some of that there as well now.

Do I get tired at times of only hearing about the struggles? Of course. But I like it when I hear about the good times. It's just a learning experience we all have to take in stages.

The good far outweighs the bad to me.

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