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-   -   New approach (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10341)

Freetime 05-26-2011 10:29 PM

New approach
As this journey continues for T and I, I'm going to have to change what I post here. When I started I had Ts agreement to post about her and how I saw this going for us/me. Now that we have established connections in poly land locally I have to consider the anonymity and feelings of all involved. It's a small community here and I know far to little about the connections and relationships to be tromping around as I have.

Being new to poly doesn't excuse me from practicing personal discretion in matters that may include others, ever.

M2, T2, and ### have been nothing but kind warm and good hearted showing me and T generosity and friendship all along the way. I want to look after those relationships and not hurt the very people I'm trying to befriend.
I may have already overstepped my bounds here, not sure really, but I'll know for certain soon I think.

This communications stuff is more complicated then the book on physics and quantum mechanics I'm currently reading. Who knew?

redpepper 05-26-2011 11:18 PM

well, if they are people that have experienced poly before and are really willing to be in this with you, they will hopeful see your posts as the process they are and the beginning of a journey into something that is new and challenging for you... compassion for your journey is a must for me in my partners. I am not perfect, neither are they, we accept that and in that lies the perfection.

nycindie 05-27-2011 12:00 AM

This board's posts come up in internet searches, so yes, you have to be careful. I think using aliases and initials keeps people pretty anonymous. I think quite often you can share about the basic issues at hand without necessarily including details that give everything away. Are your local poly friends members here?

The other option is messaging members privately. I think a whole lot of that goes on here, actually.

Just be careful with wording your posts and perhaps do not ever give away where you live, and no one will be the wiser, for the most part, I think.

Feedhercandy 05-28-2011 02:39 AM

I think there are clear guidelines here, as there would be in any relationship types (ok, maybe this is a tad more sensitive, yes), and I don't think you have breached any topic that would cause someone discomfort, but you won't know unless you ask them, I guess.

I would imagine the rules would be (and please chime in everyone, this is a top of my head starter list):
- don't out anyone who doesn't want to be outed - so the suggestion of initials and keeping really obvious details out of the picture is a good one

- don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying to their face

Finally, I do think some folks will be more sensitive than others. And as much as that should be respected, their needs / behaviours would not necessarily be generalizable.


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