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-   -   NRE from the other side (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1022)

andref64ca 10-25-2009 01:17 AM

NRE from the other side
I`ve been fortunate that in my first 2.5 years as a `born`poly (meaning i`m new to this), my relationships with both R and D (and also T) have been pretty much smooth sailing... real poly relationships with real poly`s..... heaven.

But recently I`ve had to deal with NRE from the other side.... R has now a new interest... close to her.. and being with her for my summer vacation, I could feel it between the two of them, there... tangible.... solid.

And on my side, i`ve been kind of pursuing a new interest as well... C. but it seems i wasn`t her style... wanted me to be just friend and then she fell for someone in British Columbia during a visit.... felt hard.

So i`m now reflecting on NRE and how i`m dealing with it... I am very happy for for both R and C , but i have this dark feeling i can`t shake, and i`m wondering what it is.... no i`m not jealous...

Point in case: during my vacation and visit with R, her new BF called her and she was spending a lot of time texting him, I finally had to almost physically push her out the door to go see him.... he needed her and i was not going anywhere, anyhow... things got settled and she came back.

R even told me she found me ... odd, but in a good way as i seem to have no jealousy bones in me. lol i can only hope she`s right...

Is this the sense of loss felt when we see a love one going into NRE without us? I know I`ll see R during the Holidays, plans are made, e-mail are already discussing it and i feel wonderful knowing she`ll be in my arms...again.

But does this feeling go away, this dark cloud over my heart?

Any comments will be welcomed...

Be Well

Legion 10-25-2009 07:54 PM

sorry for my ignorance, but what's "NRE"? Is there a page here or somewhere else with terminology? I can get some idea from context on some things but I'm a little fuzzy on the definitions for things like "V"s, "Triad", &c.

Legion 10-25-2009 07:55 PM

new relationship energy? just a guess :)

On that premise I would say it is natural, and yes maybe some jealousy. Not the kind so much that you are jealous and want what someone else has but it perhaps brings you a nostalgia for your own NRE when it was happening?

Out of crisis comes opportunity! So they've got this energy, you might be wishing for a little bit of your own, so this is a good time to really appreciate and be grateful for what you have with R. A time to review and cherish the benefits you have had with this 2.5 years of smooth sailing, the progress you've made and if T's new relationship is showing you something that you want then there's no reason not to make the effort to find out exactly what it is that you desire and create an intention to achieve it!

Or if it's completely not jealousy at all, the dark cloud could be something else that has nothing to do with T or C's other relationships but rather your relationships with them. Or something more personal, just having to do with yourself. I know I have had some dark times that were very internal but then again at the same time I have never been impervious to external influence; many times a series of "straws on the camel's back" can lead us down a darker part of the path.

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